Die Another Day (2002)

Introduction:

So the year 2002 marked the fortieth anniversary of James Bond. As such the creators decided that the film they delivered that year would be a celebration of all things 007. It would look back at the previous 19 films and point toward the future of the franchise. It would be the first James Bond film of the new millennium, and it would be one to remember. The thing is, most people remember this movie as one of the worst of the franchises long history. What happened?

Summary:

Britain’s best secret agent James Bond (Pierce Brosnan) is sent on a dangerous mission to kill the unstable North Korean Colonel Moon (Will Yun Lee). He succeeds, but only after blowing up half an airbase and then getting himself captured. 14 months later Bond is freed during a prisoner exchange, but he’s a little grumpy that his cover was blown in the first place. M (Judi Dench) revokes his license to kill, but that doesn’t stop Bond. He’s off and running on the trail of traitor.

The trail takes him to Cuba where he meets agent Jinx Johnson (Halle Berry) who is tracking down the diabolical Zao (Rick Yune). The two agents tangle for a bit, but Zao gets away, but not before leaving a clue. Somehow, he is tied to the rising superstar of the industrial world Gustav Graves (Toby Stephens). The more Bond and Jinx dig the more they discover that Graves hides a deadly secret, one that could threaten the world. It comes down to a car battle in an ice palace, a fencing battle from hell, a man with diamonds on his face, an invisible car and some of the worst sexual innuendo I’ve heard in a long time. Can James Bond survive this mess to Die Another Day?

Good Points:

• The first half of the film works as a solid bit of entertainment
• Rosamund Pike makes for an excellent femme fatale
• David Arnold’s score is a fun mix of techno and orchestra

Bad Points:

• The second half of the film spirals into a mess of excess
• Halle Berry is lost without a map
• Special effects take over the film, much to its detriment

Overall:

The 20^th James Bond film tries so hard to please. It attempts to be everything to all kinds of fans of the franchise. But it is such a tangled mess of conflicting styles, concepts, goals and execution that the final product is honestly a train wreck. It is never boring, but it never gels either. There is a bit of fun in playing the “spot the previous film reference” game, but this is easily the weakest film of the Brosnan era.

Scores (out of 5)

Visuals: 2

Sound: 5

Acting: 3

Script: 2

Music: 3

Direction: 3

Entertainment: 2

Total:  2

In Depth Review

Graves and Bond have their very own Duel of the Fates.

Expectations are really a killer when it comes to films. When audiences come to the theater expecting something and they don’t get it, well the negative word of mouth can really harm the film. You can end up with disillusioned fans and a franchise that starts looking too long in the tooth. Just ask George Lucas about The Phantom Menace. But James Bond has walked that road before. Usually he’s been able to shift with the times, and even when the films take a misstep, things get corrected (and sometimes overcorrected) for the next outing. It happened with Licence to Kill in 1989 and previously in 1969 with On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. James Bond survived both times.

But Die Another Day may represent the first time that the expectations the studio put on itself ended up scuttling the film before it got a chance to evolve. First you had the 40^th anniversary of the franchise looming. Next you had the fact that this was the first Bond film of the new millennium and the first post 9/11 Bond film. Then you had the fact that the previous Bond film, The World is Not Enough did not live up to audience expectations. Then you had the idea that the new Halle Berry character, Jinx, could be ripe for a spin off franchise. Add to this the fact that 2002 was a year packed with some serious box office power. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and Star Trek: Nemesis were all fighting for the piece of the megaplex pie. Those three films were going to have huge special effects extravaganzas. And since The Phantom Menace and The Matrix had raised the bar for visual effects and action in 1999, the James Bond franchise didn’t want to look old.

The pre-credit hovercraft chase is one of the best action
scenes in the film.

All that was coming down on this one movie. There was probably no way this could end well.

I’m going to focus on the good points first, because the bad points are all tied to the fact that the expectations ended up forging the move in it’s bad direction. The good points managed to shine through, but just barely.

My highest score was for the sound, something that has been top notch in all the Brosnan films. With all the over the top visuals, explosions and gunfire, the sound crew had plenty to work with. The soundwork is exciting, supports the action perfectly and really rocks the subwoofer when it needs too.

Since Tomorrow Never Dies, David Arnold has been providing the James Bond film scores and he’s done a really solid job. His best scores tend to be the ones where he gets to work on the theme song and the incorporate them into the score, giving each film a unique musical identity. Both The World is Not Enough and Casino Royale are excellent scores because of the way he used the title songs as supporting themes. Unfortunately, Arnold had no input into the Madonna song for the film. He ended up crafting a nice love theme for Jinx, and used the James Bond theme in some creative ways (I love the Latin tinged adaptation of the Bond theme during the Cuba sequences). But the biggest element of the score is the fact that Arnold fused the techo/electronic sound he had been fleshing out in the previous two scores into the front of the mix. Nearly all the action scenes utilize electronics, stutter editing and synthetic warping of the orchestra. It is a fun experiment and one that I actually enjoy quite a bit. It took the Bond scores into a fresh and fun direction, very fitting the time. A lot of film music fans put this score near the bottom of Arnold’s output. I do have to say that of the five scores, this would rank as the fifth, it is still a really fun score. But do yourself a favor and seek out the extended version of the score that includes many excellent tracks that were left off the commercial release.

Not making Zao the main villain was a missed opportunity.

As for Madonna’s song, well I don’t hate it as much as most Bond fans and film music fans do. It’s a fun bit of pop music, but when you place it along side the surrounding James Bond theme songs it really stands out, and not in a good way. In the attempt to take the series in a more modern direction, this song ends up looking completely out of left field. The odd thing is, Madonna could have sung something perfect in the James Bond mold. By this time she had trained her voice and could really carry a full-blown tune. But to go with the techno-pop approach just doesn’t work. It’s a shame really.

It’s hard to talk about the acting, which has some good points, without touching on some of the less than stellar points of the film, so I might as well dive in. No one had a clue about the actual movie they wanted to make. This is one of the messiest James Bond films to actually hit theaters (and be from the “official” studio as well). That’s saying something, because Octopussy is still looming out there. But Die Another Day tries to do too much and just can’t manage any of it well.

Never argue with a woman wearing a tank top and
wielding a sword... just some good advice.

At some point it was decided that this film was going to be much more over the top and “fun” than the previous film. A lot of people were disappointed with how the plot between Elektra and Bond played out in The World is Not Enough, and found it too dark. On top of that, the shadow of 9/11 was still looming large over the film industry. The decision was made to indulge in fantasy instead of the grim reality around the audience. In this vein, the creators looked to the Bond films of the 1970s and how they transported the viewers away from the gas crisis, international terrorism and the general malaise of the Carter years. The biggest Bond film of the decade, money-wise, was Moonraker. So that was the type of fantastical direction the writers took, to create a Moonraker for the modern audience.

Right there, you’ll know where you stand, because Moonraker is certainly one of the most polarizing of the James Bond films. I think that if the film had been more focused on bringing on the large-scale amusements and humor, it might have worked, but things get muddled quickly. The first half of the film deals with Bond getting captured, tortured and then treated roughly by MI6 when they get him back. It’s a very dark turn for the series, and one that bothered a lot of viewers. I thought it was an interesting development and could have yielded something really interesting (like the similar sequence in Casino Royale), but Die Another Day glosses over the torture and soon heads into the fantastical with lasers blasting from satellites and enemies using gene therapy to change their entire bodies. This 180 creates a real disconnect and no matter how good the acting is, there is little that can be done to salvage the film.

Robinson Caruso... I mean James Bond confronts M.

Brosnan is pretty good here. The first half of the film offers the best material and he really runs with it. Brosnan had commented that he really wanted to dig deeper into the character of Bond, and I’m guessing that he wanted to make the most of these early scenes. His interaction with Berry in Cuba works well too, and those scenes are pretty much the last of the good moments in the film. After that Brosnan doesn’t do much but deliver some really bad sexual innuendo (some of the worst of the franchise, and that is saying something), and work in front of blue screen during the special effects scenes. As good as Brosnan is, his easy charm just can’t pull the movie out of the funk it gets into. But I don’t blame him too much; Moore had the same struggles with Live and Let Die and Octopussy.

Rick Yune is actually a really good villain, and he gives Zao a real sense of menace. Even when he’s covered in diamonds and pale with blue eyes, the actor is able to make the character work. The creators really missed the boat by not going with Zao as the main villain and have him battle against Bond at the end. But maybe having two bald main villains in back to back movies was too much to ask.

When your villain ends up in a dorky looking Power
Ranger suit, the movie may have gone awry.

Instead we get Toby Stephens as Graves. Stephens doesn’t show up until about halfway into Die Another Day, and he fits right into the over the top nature of that section. His best scenes are actually the fun sword duel sequence, but after that he just starts gnawing at the scenery. His final scenes are so grandiose and hilarious that you can’t help but laugh. I know he’s supposed to be unbalanced, but he’s so cheerful about it that he doesn’t come across as too much of a threat. I think he did the best he could with the part. Too bad it was such a cheesy role to begin with.

Faring a bit better is Rosamund Pike as the traitorous Miranda Frost. She makes for a solid femme fatale, and her interplay with Brosnan has some good moments. The script ends up failing her and creating a character that just doesn’t seem to fit in this movie. Her final duel with Jinx is pretty good, but I’m always disappointed when Frost dies. I really wanted her to bump off our leading lady.

Halle Berry does her best Ursula Andress.

That’s right, I’m not going to be too kind to Halle Berry. Now I think she would make a fine Bond girl. In the right role and right film, it all could have worked. In fact the idea of the character Jinx is a good one… but the execution here is just wrong. She really feels forced into the plot. Scenes showing off how tough she really is come across heavy-handed. Once you hear how the creators wanted to create a spin off with Jinx, you see all the tell tale flags trying to sell the viewers the character. All of this hurts the film in it’s pacing, its storytelling and in it’s entertainment. Berry also delivers some of the clumsiest lines in the film.  I know they wanted her to seem tough, but the lines just don’t sound natural. The worst being the “Read this.. bitch,” line when she kills Frost… just painful.

Speaking of ripe dialogue, Die Another Day is just swimming in bad puns, horrible innuendo and pathetic quips. I know the writers were going for their own version of Moonraker, but I’m not sure if they were making fun of the cheesy dialogue or just trying to come up with the worst of the worst. The line between witty and crass is crossed way too often. When I saw this movie in the theaters, I remember many audible groans as some of the lines were delivered.

When writing "James Bond gets chased by a giant laser
to the edge of an ice cliff", you should realize the film has
gone awry.

One of the major problems with the film is the reliance on huge special effects. James Bond has always included some of this. Some of the movies like You Only Live Twice and Moonraker pushed things pretty far into science fiction territory. But one of the keys to any James Bond film is the stuntwork during the action scenes. You get the sense that these are real stuntmen and women doing dangerous and crazy things on the screen. But Die Another Day loses the focus and goes for spectacle too many times. The second half of the film is jam packed with blue screen effects, and computer generated images. Now, all the Brosnan era films had some of this, but Die Another Day just goes overboard. James Bond becomes a puppet on the screen, and the thrills vanish as we watch him surf a tsunami, drive in a melting ice palace and fight a man in a Power Ranger suit on board an exploding plane. I believe that Bond works best when the thrill are palpable, and there is little of that in the movie, and none to be found in the second half. It was a horrible misstep, and one that took away from the fun and turned the movie in a parody of itself (something even Moonraker avoided).

Director Lee Tamahori does some odd things with the movie. Part of it is due to the muddled mess of a screenplay he had to work with. So I can’t put all the blame on him. But his use of slow motion, stutter edits and strange zooms don’t pull you into the action or add to the thrills. They just call attention to themselves. There are also moments in the film that have no transitions. Done correctly, this can work in favor of the film, creating tension and moving the movie along at a faster pace. But in Die Another Day the lack of transitions creates confusion at best and raises questions at worst. You start questioning the reality of the movie and it pulls you right out. Since the movie isn’t working in the first place, it really doesn’t take much to break that forth wall.

But he does manage to capture some wonderful vistas, the early scenes are filmed well, and I like how he worked with light and shadow in the Cuba love scene between Jinx and Bond.

Q's laboratory is filled with references to the older
Bond films.

Die Another Day has elements from the previous 19 James Bond films worked into it as a kind of game. It’s fun to try and spot them all (and some films have more than one reference. Thunderball has the jetpack in Q’s lab, but the moment where Bond steals a grape while he’s in the clinic also come from the older film). That spirit of celebration does come through, and if you look at it in that light, the movie isn’t so bad. It is reveling in the decadence that is the James Bond franchise. It is nothing but pure entertainment, and at some base level it does that. The movie never bores me, like some of the early 70s films. It just seems gratuitous.

That may be the reason why it never clicks for me. It tries so hard to please that it just can’t manage anything well. It is the weakest film of the Brosnan era, and for many fans were left with a very bad taste in their mouths. The ended up dismissing all four films from that actor. It’s a shame too, because I don’t think Brosnan got the James Bond script that really let him shine. He could have been one of the best actors to play the role, but time and again the films just never get the mixture quite right. And once we saw the Daniel Craig films, it became really apparent; Brosnan was the Moore of his decade.

Moneypenny finally gets her kiss.

Rogues' Gallery - Ninja Scroll

The 8 devils ride into the storm.

So, in my review of Ninja Scroll I spent a good deal of time writing about how great the villains were and I didn't include a single image of any of them. 

Ok, so there was a shot with the blind swordsman Mujuro in it. But that just isn't enough. It's just that Kaguro and Jubei are so darn cool that they hogged up all the images. 

So for those of you who wanted to see some of these baddies in action, I give you, the eight devils of Kimon.



First up is the hulking beast, Tessai. He can turn his skin into rock and wields an enormous double bladed weapon that he can hurl like boomerang. It makes a disturbing whistle as it cuts through just about everything it touches.

No blade can pierce Tessai's flesh.

Next is Yurimaru, the second in command. His ability is to electrocute anything he touches. In a cunning twist he often winds a thin wire around his prey and then fries them from a distance. Yurimaru is a very jealous soul and it ends up hurting the 8 devils in the end.

Yurimaru just fried someone, but was it friend or foe?

Benisato controls snakes. She is hypnotic often stunning her victim with her alluring tattoos. When things get too hot for her, she can escape from danger by shedding her skin. And don't get too close to her, snakes seem to be hiding in and around her body, in places you least expect.

If you are seeing this side of Benisato, then it's the
last thing you're going to see.

If you hate bugs then stay far away from Mushizo. He can control a whole hive of wasps. These are a special species of insect that live inside the huge hump on his back. This ugly little man is also fairly skilled with the spear.

Mushizo has a whole bunch of new friends for you to
meet.

One of the most deadly of the eight devils is Mujuro, the blind swordsman. He's able to hear your every move and can block and strike with his katana with lightning speed. Skill alone can't defeat him, it will take trickery.

Mujuro doesn't need to see you, to kill you.

Shijima strikes from the shadows, able to melt into them with ease. His favorite weapon is a long chain with dagger edged blades at the end. He also has the ability to control anyone he gets his hands on. They literally become his puppets and your friends turn into your foes.

Shijima is literally melting into the shadows, and can
reappear in any other shadow.

Zakuro is the resident bomb freak. This gal is no Minnie May from Gunsmith Cats. Her scarred body reveals her joy in cutting open captured enemies, stuffing them with gun powder and blowing them up in front of their comrades. Probably the craziest of the eight devils.

Zakuro deploys her ignition powder, and then laughs
like a lunatic when she smells burning flesh.

Finally there is the leader, Lord Gemma. The scar across his neck is from the time Jubei beheaded him. Killed him dead right there... or at least that's what Jubei thought. Turns out, it is really hard to kill Gemma. Again, the standard rules of combat aren't going to work, it's going to take smarts and trickery to best this beast.

Gemma is unarmed. But it doesn't phase him a bit.

So there you have it, 8 of the most colorful and dangerous villains of 1990s anime. And now that I've given them their own picture on my blog, hopefully they won't try to blow me up, sting me with wasps or just dump a load of snakes on my head. 

But for good measure I'll throw in a couple more pics of our heros. 

Jubei and Kagero have a nice little "discussion".

Old Man Dakuan doubts the veracity of this blog.

Ninja Scroll (1993)

Introduction:

For a certain segment of the population, if you include the word “scroll” in the title of your movie, they will rush to see it. Maybe that is why this film was re-titled from Jubei Ninpucho (literally Jubei the Wind Ninja) to its more famous name. Sorry to disappoint you, but there is not one single scroll to be found in the whole film. And that is why we were all here, to see hot scroll writing action!

Summary:

Jubei (Kouichi Yamadera) is a wandering samurai for hire. He’s a master swordsman and has an unusual technique that allows his blade to send a deadly blast of wind at his enemies. This will come in handy when comes face to face with the supernatural ninjas known as the 8 Devils of Kimon.

The Devils are up to something, creating a plague that wipes out villages and terrifies the populous. The local lord sends his ninja team to investigate, but the Devils make short work of them. The only survivor is the lovely Kagero (Emi Shinohara), a ninja whose lips or embrace will poison anyone. Kagero and Jubei team up with a shady little old man named Dakuan (Takeshi Aono), who is investigating the incident on behalf of the Shogun. These three will battle the devils who have powers as varied as controlling snakes, having rock skin, literally melting into shadows and turning people into exploding zombies. Leading these creatures is the mysterious Lord Genma (Daisuke Gouri). The thing is, Jubei already killed Genma once before. But you can’t keep a good devil down.

Good Points: 

• The animation is beautiful, macabre and disgusting
• The 8 Devils have some creative and disturbing powers
• Jubei and Kagero make one hell of a cool ninja duo

Bad Points:

• The older dub has some real weak spots in it
• Violence, gore and rape will offend some viewers
• Plot and characters are unsurprising and predictable

Overall:

Ninja Scroll is a solid blast of action/horror fun. It’s 90 minutes of cool characters fighting impressive villains in creative settings. The battles are unique and exciting. The violence is over the top, and the gore is excessive, but there is a visual poetry to the whole thing that just works. This is very much a guy’s movie, with the tough talking hero, sexy female ninja who ends up completely or nearly nude several times and the explosive battles. But for all that, it’s just a solid ninja-tastic adventure.

Scores (out of 5)

Visuals: 5

Sound: 4

Acting: 4

Script: 4

Music: 3

Direction: 4

Entertainment: 5

Total:  4

In Depth Review

Kagero shows why you never sneak up on a ninja.

I’ve mentioned it before, but I think it’s important to set the background of this movie a bit. Back in the 1990s, Japanese animation had a reputation in North America for being ultra-violent, overly sexual and just plain disturbing. But as I’ve also mentioned, this came about because a lot of the material being released in North America at the time fit that description and was popular. So more anime was created to fill that niche and push the envelope further. This is the environment that spawned Ninja Scroll and why it was one of the most popular anime in the mid and late 90s.

Yoshiaki Kawajiri created this film. He has a very particular formula for movies and OAVs he worked on.  Starting with his 1987 film Wicked City most of his films follow the same structure. You get a loner hero who has a unique skill. He meets a dangerous and sexy woman who reluctantly joins forces with him. Along the way a crazy old coot will appear to help or hinder our duo. Against them is a group of super powerful beings with unique powers. All hell breaks loose. Blood is spilt. Skin is exposed. But in the end our hero kills the bad guy, beds the girl and saves the day. The patterns clicked along for the most part up to Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust in 2000. Ninja Scroll falls right in the middle of that ride.

With all the death in the film it literally rains blood.

Kawajiri wrote, directed and came up with the character design for the film, so in essence, we are seeing his complete vision here. Visually it’s got a lot going for it. His character design is fairly detailed with some exaggerations to add to the fantasy. You’ll see some long noses, huge chins and giant muscles in this film. But the faces are fully detailed and fairly realistic, which adds to the horror element of the film. Going along with this are the various costumes that allow each character to stand out and give us a bit about their personality. Jubei is dressed pretty simply, looking like a cross between Toshiro Mifune from Seven Samurai and Spike from Cowboy Bebop. Kagero is dressed in a colorful kimono, but she is like a poisonous flower you want to resist touching.

But the best character designs go to the 8 devils. Each is dressed in a way that suits their unique ability, and their character designs follow suit.   For example Benisato (Gara Takashima) has snake like abilities. So her neck is long, she moves in a fluid fashion, and her tattooed body has snakes and scale imagery in it.  The controlling Yurimaru has the ability to electrocute anyone he touches. But he is also very vain. His outfit is clean, but ornate with whites and blues. It becomes a game, as the devils appear to see if you can figure out their power before they use it. Many of them are surprising and unique. I’ve never seen the wasp ability duplicated in any other anime. For a rogues gallery this is one of Kawajiri’s best, and he’s created some doozies.

One of the many visually striking battle scenes.

But there are a couple things that just stand out from a visual stand point in this film. The first is the use of color and light. Kawajiri’s work always excels in this area, and Ninja Scroll is filled with some of his best work. The primary background color in the film is black, fitting with its horror-like imagery and feel. But on top of the darkness are a vast array of startling colors, from flaming orange during a sunset battle with the shadow devil, to the dark greens and blues of a rotting temple where Jubei faces the snake woman. The vibrant colors add to the dreamlike feel of the work and create some startling images. It also makes each battle scene feel unique and stick in the mind. Jubei’s battle against the blind swordsman in the bamboo forest is a blaze of while light, flashing blades and vibrant green. That image always sticks in my mind when I think of the film.

But the color that permeates the film is red, because let me tell you, gallons of blood are spilled in this movie.  It is all done in a stylistic way, with every character seeming to have extremely high blood pressure, when they are cut and fountains of gore erupt forth. During the slaughter of a team of ninja, it latterly rains blood, creating a dynamic image of cool blues of night, with bright red splashing down. For the most part all the violence is fully animated with very little cheating. The action is the focus and there’s plenty of it. But the film is not for the squeamish, because just about any way you wanted to see someone sliced and diced will be explored in this film.

Jubei is cool, even while snacking.

To go along with all the creative supernatural attacks and effects you have to have some creative sound. For the most part you get some really interesting stuff. One of my favorites is the spinning blade weapon used by the hulking Tessai (Ryuzaburo Otomo). This huge blade makes a distinctive whistle that just sends shivers down your spine. When you hear it, you know someone’s going to get mutilated. There’s a fair bit of explosions and fire, thanks to one of the devils who loves stuffing still living bodies with TNT and then blowing them up. Yeah, she’s a bit of a nut. The explosions pack a punch. The final battle takes place in a burning ship, and the fire blazes and crackles all around.

The music by Kaoru Wada is pretty good. The main theme is intense and strident, fitting the film perfectly. Unfortunately, it appears to be one of about five pieces written for the film. It is so distinctive that you recognize it immediately. So after the fifth or sixth time you hear it in the film, it has worn out its welcome. Unfortunately you get to hear it about six more times after that. A little more variety could have helped the film a bit. The end J-pop song is forgettable.

Kagero doesn't trust anyone, which may be a problem.

Now this was an early dub release for an anime, and that means you get a real mix of acting. Some of the performances in Ninja Scroll are pretty good, especially veteran Wendee Lee as Kagero. But some of the supporting cast goes over the top. Besides this is a samurai era flick, you should watch it in Japanese. I really like Kouichi Yamadera as Jubei, he has that perfect devil may care attitude in his voice that matches the character. The only one that seemed a bit off was Daisuke Gouri as Genma. His voice seemed too sonorous for the character.

For a film like this, you don’t need a complicated script. You pretty much need a solid storyline to set up the fight scenes and deliver a couple twists along the way. Nothing terribly complicated. We do get some well-written characters with some unique character flaws and backstory.  Jubei is very much in the Sanjuro vein of wandering warrior. He’s a bit on the rough side, but he’s got a heart of gold. He helps people in need, but also knows when to run away when things get too dangerous. But he’s also one tough customer who manages to stay level headed even when he’s getting the crap beat out of him. Then you’ve got Kagero who is cold, deadly and yet fragile in her own way. The fact that she can’t experience a simple touch without killing has made her shun any kind of relationship. There is a lot of pain in the character and it works well in the story and the way she ends up connecting with Jubei. It is that relationship that provides an interesting twist that I didn’t see coming during my first viewing.

Jubei faces his nemesis in the fiery finale.

But let’s face it; Ninja Scroll is an action adventure film and that is what we are here to see. Kawajiri does an excellent job balancing all the elements of his movie perfectly. The action scenes are exciting; they were spaced throughout the film. The story itself isn’t complicated, but the interesting characters help drive the whole thing forward. The final battle is brutal and climactic and feels like a fitting conclusion to the movie. It’s the perfect length and doesn’t overstay it’s welcome. All in all, it’s gory but solid entertainment. So if you are looking for some supernatural sword and sorcery samurai anime style, check this one out.

Want to learn more about the villains in Ninja Scroll, check out my Rogues' Gallery.

Anime Juke Box - Hiru no Tsuki - Outlaw Star

For this tune from the anime juke box I picked one of my favorite vocalists, Akino Arai. She seemed to pop up in some of my favorite anime of the 1990s. She has a lovely voice, and usually performs a love theme, or ballad for the show. I first encountered her in the OAV series Macross Plus as the singer of the love theme "Voices". But one of my favorite pieces is the end credits to the space opera adventure series Outlaw Star. She performed two different end title songs, and both are great. Here is the one used for the first half, "Hiru no Tsuki". Enjoy!

Streets of Fire (1984)

Introduction:

This is one of those movies that pops up when anyone mentions the words “cheesy” and “eighties” in the same sentence. Because of my love for both of those words, I decided the time was right to check this flick out. Little did I know that that what I encountered was going to be a film at war with itself, a movie that tried to do so much and yet accomplished so little. Little did I know that I was going to see Willem Defoe in an outfit that would scar me for life.

Summary:

In the not to distant future, in a post apocalyptic world, Ellen Aim (Diane Lane) is a super popular rock artist in her little sector of the unnamed city. As she’s rocking out for a huge crowd, the evil and well coiffed Raven Shaddock (Willem Dafoe) abducts her to take back to his sector for some fun and games.

Luckily her ex-boyfriend Tom Cody (Michael Pare) arrives in town shortly afterward. Cody is a rough and tumble type who is willing to find Ellen deep in enemy territory… for a price. Ellen’s current boyfriend and manager Billy Fish (Rick Moranis) is willing to pay. So, along with the smart talking McCoy (Amy Madigan) the three journey into the danger zone. But even if they succeed, will Raven let them go? Or will the city burn with Streets of Fire?

Good Points:

• If you love cheesy 80s rock, then this movie is for you
• If you love ripe dialogue, then this movie is for you
• If you love saying, “Oh my god are they in this movie too?” then this movie is for you

Bad Points:

• The movie does not have a constant sense of production design
• Seems to be flailing around looking for a plot or a point
• Willem Defoe’s leather overalls or whatever they are supposed to be… put on shirt man!

Overall:

This movie is a glorious mess. It seems to have no idea what it’s doing or why it’s doing it. A mix of visual styles from the 40s, 50s and 80s merge with stereotype characters and dialogue that will make you groan. The songs are either a gift from the gods of cheese, or the kind of thing that makes you scream for mercy. It’s at once Escape from New York and West Side Story and yet, that can’t even describe it. Very entertaining, but not for the reasons it was intended to.

Scores (out of 5)

Visuals: 4

Sound: 3

Acting: 3

Script: 2

Music: 3

Direction: 3

Entertainment: 4

Total:  3

In Depth Review

I wonder if there was a point in the film where director Walter Hill looked at what was going on in front of him and said, “Oh, this isn’t going to work… is it?” But by that point it was too late, the film was well underway, Willem Dafoe was in his leather overalls and you just had to roll with it – and hope for the best.

I wonder if this was as cynical an exercise as it feels. It really feels like someone decided to make a film based solely off of what “kids these days” like. And by “these days” I mean 1984. It’s got the Jim Steinman penned songs (and if you are familiar with “Making Love out of nothing at all” or “Total Eclipse of the Heart” or most of the songs by Meatloaf, then you know Steinman). It’s got the retro 50s look and songs that groups like The Stray Cats made popular. It had the gangs running the city that we saw in Escape from New York. Our hero was more like Indiana Jones than anything else. But there were plenty of explosions to make the film live up to the title Streets of Fire. Take all these elements then stir them up with a whole case of familiar faces including Bill Paxton, Lee Ving, Ed Begley Jr. Elizabeth Dailey, Rick Rossavich and plenty of others you’ll recognize by sight if not by name. The result has to stick in some way.

Yes, it does stick. The whole thing can only be viewed as a cinematic mess of slop, or it’s just an entertaining movie because it is so wonderfully messy. Now usually a movie as cynical as this (if it was in fact as calculated as I think it was) ends up feeling soulless. See the latest version of Clash of the Titans for proof of that. But I get the feeling that most of the folks on the screen decided to just go for it and have a good time. So the movie ends up being ridiculous and yet not completely aware of the joke. Oh there are times where a wink is given at the audience, but most of the time it’s played very serious – and it’s better for it.

The odd thing is that our two main characters Tom Cody and Ellen Aim are the least interesting folks of the bunch. This doesn’t reflect on the acting by Pare or Lane. It’s just that the characters are written pretty blandly. Cody is a typical tough guy of the 40s mold, with a heart of gold, of course. Aim is just a typical rocker seeking fame and fortune that’s always had a soft spot for Cody. That’s all these characters ever really are.

Compared to the other bizarre, over the top and more interesting characters in Streets of Fire, they don’t stand a chance. My favorite was McCoy, the tough talking spitfire portrayed by Amy Madigan. She nails the role, playing it a bit broad, but feeling right at home in the overstated production around her. On top of that, her character seems to have a back-story and personality that could support a whole film. She should have been our hero!

As outrageous as Dafoe is, he fits perfectly in the role of Raven. His natural presence combined with the makeup, hair and wardrobe make him a scary villain. No sane person would dare be seeing in public like that, especially in front of a mess of evil bikers in black leather. And when your gang contains Mr. Body from Clue you know you’re in for some danger.

But then there are all kinds of odd characters thrown in here. Moranis’ Fish is a loud mouth trash-talking snob… with a heart of gold? Bill Paxton plays Clyde the Bartender, an idiot with a blacked out tooth and … a heart of gold? Then there’s Elizabeth Daily who plays Baby Doll. This little groupie shows up for no reason, stays around for no reason and really has no reason to be in the movie other than to wear hot pink and… you guessed it, have a heart of gold.

I could keep going, but I think you really need to check out Streets of Fire to truly experience it.

I have to say it was worth seeing. I spent the entire movie just wondering how the movie got made, how they people who made it feel about it and how the hell I missed this. It’s a wonderful slice of 1980s cheese that I would place up there with Lou Ferrigno’s Hercules and Megaforce. If that sounds good to you, definitely check it out!

The Avengers (2012)

Introduction:

So we had not just one, but two Iron Man movies. There was a fun Thor flick, and a not so interesting Captain America movie. There were even a couple Incredible Hulk flicks. All this was leading up to the big mash-up that was The Avengers. Now, I was a X-men reader myself, and never got into this area of comics. So I was coming in pretty fresh to all this. Well, I did know that one of my favorite directors was writing and helming – so this should be a good one.

Summary:

You can’t keep an evil god down, and Loki (Tom HIddleston) is a pretty mischievous god. Using a series of tricks, traps and a army of trans-dimensional beings, he’s going to rain the hurt onto the Earth. Why? Because he figures it’s about time someone with a huge horned helmet ruled the puny humans.

That’s where agent Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) comes in. It’s time to gather the superheroes he’s been recruiting for one battle royale to save the planet. So Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.), Captain America (Chris Evans), The Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson), Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) and Agent Coulson (Clark Gregg) join forces, sometimes not so peaceably, to battle monsters in New York city and cause as much mayhem as possible. Will the Avengers be able to save us all, or will Loki triumph?

Good Points:

• Does a neat job of tying all the previous plots together.
• Moves at a perfect pace with a great balance of action and humor
• Each hero gets plenty of time to shine.

Bad Points:

• Joss Whedan’s dialogue has some detractors
• Your favorite hero may not get enough screen time
• The plot has a number of holes that an alien army could march through

Overall:

Well Joss Whedon delivers a full-blown fun comic book hero mash up. His trademark wisecracking dialogue is back and makes the film a lot of fun. It’s got more brains than the Transformer films, and it’s more fun than Nolan’s Batman trilogy. So all in all, it’s my current favorite of the Marvel flicks. Besides it gave us Cobie Smulders kicking ass with guns and martial arts!

Robin Sparkles doubts the
veracity of your claim.

Scores (out of 5)

Visuals: 5

Sound: 5

Acting: 4

Script: 4

Music: 3

Direction: 4

Entertainment: 4

Total:  4

Curious about a full review, sent me an email and I’ll make additional thoughts to this review.

The Brute Man (1946) – MST3K Review

Summary:

This episode starts with a short film entitled The Chicken of Tomorrow. No this has nothing to do with the television series Robot Chicken, instead it is a documentary about the poultry business. Watch and learn about what it takes to breed a better chicken, to get the most eggs from your hen and all the modern advances that make chicken farming such a popular and profitable career option.

The Brute Man is a black and white thriller that follows The Creeper (Rondo Hatton) as he creeps, and stalks and kills! His real name is Hal Moffet and before he was a cold blooded killer he was the captain of the college football team and in love with the popular blonde in the school. But a moment of jealousy and anger end up with Moffet being doused with a chemical that mutates his face and body. Now he’s angry about his disfigurement and hunts down those that were responsible.

The whole city is in a panic because of The Creeper, and the police almost catch him. During a chase, he dodges into the apartment of a lovely blind woman named Helen (Jane Adams). Because she can’t see his face, she doesn’t fear Moffet. Suddenly The Creeper wonders if he can maybe do some good in his own way, and help Helen. But revenge is calling and eventually The Brute Man may end up destroying Helen as well as himself.

Movie Review:

Mike and bots witness hot incubator action!

What can you say about The Chicken of Tomorrow that isn’t covered by its ostentatious title? Made in 1948 the film promises a thrill a minute as it delves into the world of poultry raising. It proceeds just about how you’d expect for a documentary of that era. It covers the life of the chicken of tomorrow from the egg to the auction house. It discuses some of the innovations of machinery and techniques that make the “old hen house” seem like a distant relic. Highlights include “special photography” used to show the developing chick in an egg, and a scene where a chicken talks like Mae West.

Probably the biggest oddity in the film is that it keeps coming back to the “automotive industry and the quality petroleum products” that help fuel the poultry business. You begin to wonder just who sponsored this film, especially when the Texico fill-up station is featured so prominently.

The Creeper gets in touch with his softer side.

The Brute Man is a bit of noire horror fluff that never really takes off. In some ways it seems like a vehicle for Rondo Hatton to expand his acting from a simple monster into a more rounded type of character. On the flip side it’s just another film that tries to exploit Rondo’s looks to make him a villain.

Normally this type of thing isn’t a huge surprise, but Rondo Hatton is a special case. He was suffering from an illness called acromegaly. This disease affects the pituitary gland and causes external features to grow abnormally. It is a painful and potentially deadly disease. This was Hatton’s last film and he died due to complications from the disease. With all that in mind, it makes it a little hard to enjoy the film on any level.

Looking past that, the film itself just isn’t very good. The Brute Man clocks in at under an hour, but for some reason it is packed with padding sequences. It can’t decide if it wants The Creeper to be the main character, or maybe the two bumbling cops pursuing him, or maybe the folks he’s trying to kill. By constantly switching perspectives the viewer the pacing ends up feeling pretty choppy. The police scenes are the worst; they slow the action down to a crawl, and don’t amount to much. All we figure out is that these two bozos don’t know how to catch the creeper.

The script has Helen play blind as also kinda dumb.

But the scenes with Hatton aren’t so hot either. Hatton was obviously in pain during the filming of the movie, and he is moving very slowly. This means that the camera is moving slowly, even during chase scenes. The director must have decided to go “extra noire” because many of the scenes are filmed at night. Between that and the age of the print, the screen becomes a mix of dark grey blobs moving on darker grey blobs with some black patches to add dimension. It ends up looking like an eye test from Hades.

But the real topper is the whole fire escape scene… or should I say scenes. The creeper escapes into an alleyway three different times. We get to see him climb up the fire escape, in darkness each time. It’s not exciting, or interesting, or much of anything really. I’m just really puzzled why the director felt that seeing this scene more than once would add anything to the movie, other than pad the running time.

There are a few good moments in The Brute Man. The scenes where the Creeper interacts with the blind Helen are actually handled well. Adams does a good job in the part (even if her dialogue is a bit silly at times). Hatton does a good job too, showing a more compassionate side to his character. I get the feeling he liked trying something a bit different than his typical maniacal killer role. It’s also interesting to see this element as a basis for a similar relationship in the films Manhunter and Red Dragon.

The craggy grocer provides the best unintentional laughs.

Then there are the scenes with the angry grocer and his young clerk. The grocer is so over the top in his crotchety nature that you can’t help but laugh. It is almost like you are watching a completely different movie, some odd coming of age comedy. Of course these characters have very little to do with the plot. It ends up turning into a pointless padding scene. But at least hey provide some amusement.

The movie finally creeps to its finish and you’re left feeling kinda bored and kinda sad that this was Hatton’s final film. His memory has been preserved and he has inspired quite a few villains in future films (check out the henchman in The Rocketeer for a Creeper look-alike). It’s a good thing we have Mike and bots on hand to provide some laughs.

Episode Review:  

Never before has film captures the grandeur of chickens.

This was the second episode of the extremely short season seven. So this means you’ve got riffers at the top of their game and writing crew to match. For the most part every episode in season seven is a winner, but there is always an exception to the rule. Unfortunately the Brute Man is that exception.

But first you have The Chicken of Tomorrow. Since this appeared to be the last short film the crew was ever going to tackle (their future on Sci-fi Channel was not yet assured) I get the feeling they just went from broke on this one. And boy did it pay off. This has to be one of the funniest shorts they did. Although I admit the first time I watched it, I was so puzzled by the bizarre short that I missed most of the riffing.

This little movie moves quickly and is constantly providing something new for the boys to work with. From scenes with hundreds of little chicks running around in straw to the final moments where an auctioneer who looks like Ross Perot starts shouting at the screen, you’ve got a gold mine of riffing.

Autos and petroleum get name dropped a lot in this odd
short.

When the title is revealed Tom quips, “The Chicken of Tomorrow in a deadly battle against the chicken of today”. During a scene where we see a chick hatching from an egg Mike says, “I hate it when people tape their own deliveries”. They are agog when the chicken talks like Mae West, I think it provided some serious nightmare fuel for them. They also have a blast with the voice over. The man keeps pausing in almost Shatner-esque ways. This allows the boys to add all kinds of dialogue. One of my favorites is when the voice says, “Wait a minute, you may ask yourself,” and Crow adds, “Why am I watching this?”

Well one of the reasons is to learn how clean eggs fetch a better price at market than dirty eggs. So Crow declares, “Lick your eggs clean, or have a friend lick them.” I’m sad to say that this line has become a catchphrase around our house whenever someone mentions cleaning anything. In the end Mike declares, “Eggs are complicated. They should cost 100 dollars each!” Well I wouldn’t go that far, but the riffing for The Chicken of Tomorrow is worth its weight in gold… or maybe chicken nuggets.

Why doesn't she have a problem with him sneaking
into her apartment three different times?

As for the feature film, well the movie does it’s best to scuttle the riffing. Between the slow pacing and the dark grey on black scenes there just isn’t much for the boys to work with. And yet, they come to the table with plenty of riffs and fire them in rapid succession. In previous slogfests like The Beast of Yucca Flats, Starfighters or Racket Girls this ends up creating it’s own momentum and can help the whole affair. But as valiantly as the boys try the movie is just to dower to really click.

A lot of jokes are based off of Hatton’s appearance. I’m not sure if the writing crew didn’t know about his illness, or if they decided they couldn’t riff The Brute Man without commenting on it. Hell, they did a similar thing whenever they tackled a movie with Richard Kael (like Eegah). But for some reason, it just seems in bad taste in Hatton’s case. I think it is because he is obviously in pain, moving so slowly and carefully through the film. I can’t say that some of the jokes didn’t make me chuckle like when Mike wonders if Moffet and his buddies went “bobbing for anvils” to get their faces that way. Crow comments that his profile looks like an Easter Island statue, and then later calls him Big Head Todd is the Monster.

Other times they just have fun with the fact that everyone in the movie keeps calling him The Creeper. When Hatton reaches his hideout and leans against a wall Mike quips, “What a day, I’m all creeped out.” I also like when Mike speaks for Helen with, “Creeper… may I call you Creep?” When our anti-hero is wandering around the bustling streets, with the cops supposedly out in force looking for him, Mike and the bots keep making the locals call out, “Top of the morning to you Creeper, old boy”, or “Have a murder filled day Creeper.” Or just, “Hey Creeper!” Mike declares that the movie would have moved a lot faster if they had called him The Jaguar instead.

Before Moffet was mutated into the Creeper, he was
a regular college joe.

They also try their best when The Brute Man gets visually dark. Often they try to guess what is going on, coming up with hilariously outrageous things. They speculate on what the director was trying to accomplish with the repetition of the fire escape scenes. In the end Tom wonders if the film “takes place in Alaska and filmed in winter… since there is never any sun!”

But the sequence that is the highlight of the show is the amazingly cranky performance by the old grocer berating his young clerk. Much like the bizarrely annoyed psychic in Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders this old fellow rants and raves at his young employee for no reason at all. Mike and the bots have a field day with this surly man and provide all kinds of additional dialogue for him. The old guy even captures the spot in the end of show stinger. 

My favorite riff comes from Crow who reflects on how Moffet becomes deformed because of an accident in chemistry class. “You know, none of this would have happened if Chemistry wasn’t a required course.” True enough my gold friend, true enough.

The episode starts with Tom Servo on the phone with his real estate agent and buying a duplex. Mike thinks this is going to end in tears. Back at the mad scientists’ lair, Dr. Forrester discovers that his mother Pearl is going out on a date with a sleazy guy named Sandy (played with verve by Paul Chaplin). Before Pearl goes, she puts Crow (who she is still calling Art) in charge of everyone – even Dr. Forrester. Of course the irony there is that Trace Beaulieu was playing both parts. At the first break, Tom is inspired by The Chicken of Tomorrow to encase himself in a giant egg. Mike knocks it over (the oaf!) and it’s a real mess. At the next break Mike tries to call his old girlfriend for help. But her little boy answers the phone and it all goes downhill from there. When we catch up with the boys again, Crow is inspired by the fact that one of actors looks kinda like Thomas Dewey. So he creates a song… Tom and Mike aren’t impressed. The episode ends with Tom attempting to be a landlord for his duplex and failing miserably. It does end in tears. Meanwhile Dr. Forrester turns the sleazy Sandy into a chicken of tomorrow.

Tom Servo may become, the Robot of Tomorrow!

For me this ends up being an average episode. The riffing of The Brute Man is solid, but the film itself just doesn’t lend itself too well to the whole process. However it is well worth checking out The Chicken of Tomorrow riffing.

I give it three Mae West talking chickens out of five.

This episode is available on Mystery Science Theater 3000: Volume XXII