The story starts when two
boys Akio (Nobuhiro Kajima) and Tom (Christopher Murphy) see a flying saucer
land in the field near Akio’s house. They get pretty darn excited about this
and head off to investigate. Akio’s little sister dogs their trail and they
manage to avoid the goofy local cop named Officer Kondo (Kon Omura). When they
find the saucer they discover that the ramp is down. So they just walk right on
in and start messing with the controls. Well wouldn’t you know it, the ship blasts
off and they are traveling the solar system to a mysterious planet.
Gamera (friend to all
children) tries to save the boys, but the saucer is too fast for him. When the
boys land on the mysterious world they meet two space babes named Florbella
(Reiko Kasahara) and Barbella (Hiroko Kai). The two gals try to convince the
boys that they want to meet peacefully with the people of earth. But obviously
something sinister is afoot. They control a horrible monster with a knife shaped
head and a lousy attitude. His name is Guiron, and he’s just itching for a
fight with the biggest monster of all – Gamera! Will Akio and Tom escape the
clutches of the space babes and survive the epic showdown of Gamera vs. Guiron?
Movie Review:
Guiron attacks the city of tomorrow! |
Most of these movies, from Gamera to Gamera vs. Gaos (and most of the Godzilla movies as well) have a
standard plot. A Major metropolis is threatened by giant evil monster. Japanese
scientists and the military attempt to stop the threat, but fail. The Hero
monster shows up and faces the villain monster. Much property is destroyed, but
the hero monster fails. Villain monster goes on the rampage, and our primary
human characters are threatened. The Hero monster returns and proceeds to beat
the tar out of the Villain monster. More property damage is caused, but in the
end the earth is saved.
The only way that saucer could pass me was if was running on Nitro. |
So yeah, the 8-year-old boy
in me thought this one was just great.
Space babes provide Akio with a close encounter. |
Guiron himself is ludicrous
looking. He crawls on all fours, slices and dices with his knife head, and can
shoot shuriken in just about any direction he wants. Only a kid could come up
with that creature. When we first see him, he actually fights with a Space Gaos
(a silver version of the monster seen in Gamera
vs Gaos). Guiron makes quick work of the monster and starts slicing him up
like a sushi roll. The amount of monster blood on the screen is surprising. But
this also makes the viewer realize that Guiron is one bad monster. Remember how
much trouble Gamera had with Gaos? Well Guiron just kicked Gaos’ ass without
even trying. Damn!
I swear this looks less obscene in the movie... kinda. |
One of the new elements of Gamera vs Guiron that immediately catches
your attention is the score and song by Shunsuke Kikuchi. The score is
comprised of some really catchy tunes. Unfortunately they are played over and
over again, so you may start to lose your patience with them. But this is also
the first film to feature the Gamera theme song! This puppy is an instant
earworm, and you’ll find yourself singing along in Japanese before you know it.
Here's a tip, if the door to the alien craft is open... don't wander in! |
Kon-chan finds a clue. |
Time for us to kick this film up a notch. |
To me, this is a very
entertaining giant monster movie. It’s creative and fun. It has moments that
come out of left field. It has some bloody and brutal monster action. Best of
all, it moves at a really good pace. As much fun as Gamera vs. Gurion is without any riffing, for Joel and the bots,
this is a gift-wrapped present that they can’t resist.
Episode Review:
He looks great so far, but will he land the dismount? |
Some of the funniest riffs
come from the score and the Gamera theme song. In the early portions of the
film, a silly little tune plays as Akito and Tom attempt to reach the saucer.
Joel, Tom and Crow come up with various lyrics for the tune that will crack you
up. But the big musical winner here is the Gamera theme song. It is so catchy
and exciting Joel and bots can’t help but bounce around in their seats and soon
adapt lyrics for the song. This spills over into two musical host segments
based on the Gamera theme.
Cornjob is filled with surprise and delight at Gamera's arrival. |
The other running joke is
that little Tom looks a teeny tiny bit like Richard Burton – you know if you
squint real hard. So the boys just have a field day with all kinds of Richard
Burton jokes and lines. So yeah Gamera
vs. Guiron now has a connection to Who’s
Afraid of Virginia Wolf. Who knew?
Of course the monsters get a
lot of attention by the riffers. Guiron with his knife shaped head induces all
kinds of cutting and knife puns. Just when you think the boys are spent, they
come up with another clever play on words. Gamera’s actions inspire plenty of
riffing, especially his turn at acrobatics. I love when Gamera comes charging
in and Crow gasps, “Gamera is playing chicken!” Tom responds, “No, he just
tastes like chicken.”
"Don't start with me Akio!" |
Near the end of the film a
group of scientists rush to the saucer-landing site, Tom quips, “We are form
the padding department. Show us to the plot hole.” Crow determines that Gamera vs Guiron “is just like Hamlet.” Tom replies, “Yes. There are
many parallels…. Wait, WHAT?”
The host segments are pretty
solid too. The episode starts with Tom and Crow discussing trading school
lunches from MST3K lunch boxes. For the invention exchange, the Mads create Rorschach
test centerfolds. They see some pretty steamy stuff in those inkblots. Joel
creates a collapsible trash can for camping. At the first break the boys hold a
“Let’s Go Gamera” sing along! At the next break Joel attempts to saw Crow in
half using Tom as Guiron blade. Crow ruins the whole skit. When we come back
again, the Crow is Richard Burton and Joel narrates a biopic of his life. Tom
rounds out the cast as Liz Taylor and Lee Majors. When the episode ends, Joel
and the bots attempt to sing the Gamera theme song in Japanese. This is either
really silly or borderline offensive. I can’t deiced which, but it is pretty
darn funny either way. The episode ends with Mike playing Michael Feinstein
crooning to the Mads and telling them the origin of the Gamera theme song. The
Mads are driven to kill.
Well this may not be a
Shakespearean epic, but it is a lot of fun. I’ve just given you the tip of the
riffing iceberg, so go ahead and seek this episode out. You will not be
disappointed.
Gamera will return in Gamera vs. Zigra!
I give Gamera vs Guirion five gymnastic rocket turtles out of five.
This episode is available on
the MST3K vs Gamera boxset (Vol.
XXI).
And now, the Gamera Song, so you can sing along at home...
And now, the Gamera Song, so you can sing along at home...
I first encountered films from the early 60s such as "King Kong vs Godzilla" or "Mothra vs Godzilla" (in the theater no less) while still part of the target audience. Yes, my friends and I knew they were cheesy even then, but we didn't care. This film I saw at 16, and it might have been the first I enjoyed purely on a so-bad-its-good basis. If so, it brings to mind WC Fields' line about the woman who drove him to drink: "That's the one thing I'm so indebted to her for." If this film did indeed drive me to the so-bad-its-good habit, I am in its debt.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I've got a similar movie that taught me the joys of "so good its bad". Its a horrible 80s fantasy flick called "Wizards of the Lost Kingdom". It was just plain stupid, and silly and bizarre. My friend and I watched that thing a bunch of times on VHS, I think we wore it out. I keep hoping to see it get a DVD release one of these days, because I bet it holds up as a cheesy bad movie.
DeleteAs I understand it, the whole star/planet controversy stems from how the Japanese word hoshi can mean either a planet or a star (in the sense that they're both lights in the night sky), and the translators apparently Just Didn't Care. Tragically, this sort of mistranslation still happens. I don't know if you remember Nobunaga the Fool. It was an anime series with a concept (in this case Oda Nobunaga teaming up with Joan of Arc and Leonardo da Vinci) that sounds awesome on paper but falls flat in execution. Anyway, the setting has two planets, one based on Sengoku era Japan and the other on (mostly) Renaissance era Europe. Their names get translated as Star of the East and Star of the West respectively.
ReplyDeleteGotcha. That does make a lot of sense. Japanese has a lot of words that mean multiple things but it all depends on the context of the sentence to figure out which meaning to go with. Took about a semester of the language about 10 years ago and that was one of the real struggles I was having (as well as having a very poor teacher).
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