This episode starts with a
short about cheating called ironically Cheating.
We follow young Johnny as he discovers he has no head for numbers and can’t
grasp factoring. He enlists the help of his brainy friend Mary to smuggle
answers to him during a test. Soon cheating becomes a habit with Johnny and yet
he rises to the role of student council representative. But his cheating is
soon revealed and he tumbles, losing his position in the student council, his
friends and maybe his sanity. Poor dope.
As for “the movie”… the evil
super-villain Ratfink has his eye on the atomic hearing aid currently residing
at Ayjax (pronounced Ajax) Industries. With this device he and the stupidly
brilliant Professor Neon (George Mitchell) can obtain government secrets and
sell them to the highest bidder. Unfortunately Jim Flanagan (Steve Brodie) and
his boss J.B (Richard Banks) are aware of the plot and bring in Batwoman
(Katherine Victor) and her girls to protect it.
Sure its seems like most of
the girls are around to wear skimpy clothing and dance around, but they are
really protecting… um… something. And sure it seems like Professor Neon and his
mugging assistant Heathcliff (Lloyd Nelson) are “comic relief” but they are really
super brilliant scientists. And just because Ratfink is dressed like a Mexican
wrestler… oh never mind. You want girls, you want groovy humor, you want
silliness and skimpy clothes then see if your brain can stand The Wild World of Batwoman.
Movie Review:
Um, yeah, this movie.
No, I’m not going to talk
about it yet. Instead I’ll tell you about the short. It’s from Centron those
masters of educational shorts from the ‘50s and ‘60s. These tended to be overly
earnest black and white affairs that attempted to guide people through various
issues such as personal hygiene, buying food and dating.
Here they tackle the black
art of cheating. Filmed in places like a noir horror film, the aim is to scare
potential cheaters with dire consequences. When we see the despair that Johnny
descends into it’s a bleak picture, with dark shadows and his home becoming a
void of emptiness. I also love the way the floating head of his teacher haunts
his dreams.
It’s the combination of
earnest chastising from the voice over and the goofy acting that makes this one
fun. These days shorts like these seem too silly to be effective and I wonder
if they had the same effect back in the day on the intended audience. Centron
made a ton of these types of films, so someone somewhere must have thought they
were effective.
Well I guess I have to write
about this movie eventually.
1966 saw the arrival of the Batman television series with Adam West
and Burt Ward. It mixed comic book antics with campy style and silly laughs. It
was a blast of fun that appealed to folks and lasted for three seasons.
Look, its obvious this movie
was made to cash in on the popularity of Batman
but with a hot babe and her gals fighting crimes and delivering laughs. There’s
just one teensy weensy problem. It stinks to high heaven. I don’t even know
where to begin.
Ok let’s start with director
Jerry Warren. He’s got an atrocious track record. I haven’t seen Frankenstein Island but I’ve heard
nothing but horror stories about it. I have seen The Incredible Petrified World and that experience nearly killed
me.
I can take a lot of things
from a bad movie. There’s usually plenty of entertainment to mine even from a
poorly made dramatic film. But one of the most painful types of movies to
endure is the unfunny comedy. Batwoman is
one of those.
None of the pieces here work
at all. Batwoman and her babes can’t act, they can’t fight, they can’t do much
more than look slightly attractive in their skimpy outfits. So when your main
hero can’t live up to the basic elements of being a hero, you’ve got a problem.
I suppose the cheesecake element here works. The girls spend a lot of time
dancing around and lounging around.
But the villains really sink
the whole thing. Ratfink looks like a moron in his cloak, fedora and Mexican
wrestler mask. He has a secret identity, which is why I didn’t give him a cast
credit – but it’s so lame that you won’t care when it’s revealed. His two thugs
are supposed to be funny in a palooka kind of way, but they grate more than
anything else.
And speaking of annoying
there is Professor Neon and Heathcliff. These two are supposed to be the
cornerstones of comedy in this film and fail over and over again. Neon’s accent
changes constantly, he is supposed to be kooky mad scientist type. But he spends
most of the movie whining, giving people happy pills (that makes them dance
uncontrollably) and getting Heathcliff to drink experimental drugs. Heathcliff
is a hunchbacked, mugging freak who flails about and paws at the girls. He
makes Torgo from Manos the Hands of Fate
look civilized. His antics are supposed to amuse, but the mugging is so
painful you want to kill him. He gives Droppo from Santa Clause Conquers the Martians a real run for the money.
The movie is badly paced,
slowing down horribly in places. It has scenes that have nothing to do with
anything. There are two opening sequences that feature characters we never see
again! The entire séance scene is painfully unfunny with an offensive Chinese
character babbling on and on. The ending is supposed to be a mad cap romp
involving all the characters chasing each other around a table as wacky music
plays. You will only feel pain.
This is a bad, bad movie.
One of the worst the team at Mystery
Science Theater 3000 ever tackled. Are they up to the challenge?
Episode Review:
Mike Nelson only had two
episodes under his belt as the lead riffer when he tackled The Wild World of Batwoman. On the surface the movie offers a lot
of stuff to mine for jokes, but the overall badness of the movie has a powerful
smothering affect.
Luckily the Cheating short starts things off, and it’s
probably the best bit of the entire episode. Mike and the bots jump right into
the exceedingly noir ton of the short and make it one of the darkest riffs they
did during the Comedy Central years. It’s great stuff. Some of the best moments
occur during the actual cheating scenes in the classroom. Mike and the bots add
all kind of interior monologues for Johnny as he plots and plans his cheating
maneuvers. I love the moment where he’s lying in bed later and considering his
crime. The head of his teacher appears floating above him and Tom Servo says,
“Oh hi Mrs. Gramby,” in a calm tone and then screams in pure terror. Once the
cheating is discovered, the short shows how word spreads of Johnny’s crime.
Over the shot of a ringing phone Crow quips “Mother Teresa called. She hates
you.” I love the riffing on shorts
and this is certainly one of the better ones.
There are some great moments
here and some funny riffs, but the movie is exceedingly bad and slow moving.
Mike and the bots do a good job, but never get a really handle on the film.
Part of that is the movie’s poor direction and horrible editing. As Crow says,
“It’s like they put a bunch of movies in a blender and hit mix.”
Most of my favorite comments
are the ones that just attack the amazing stupidity of the film. When Mike
says, “This is like a Warhol movie, except now its getting weird”, you’re
inclined to agree with him. During a scene with a bunch of people dancing
because Professor Neon gave them happy pills we get this exchange. A character
on screen asks, “Have you lost your mind?” Mike answers, “No, just my self
respect.” Oh and those dancing moments come with some really painful music, but
as Tom notes, “Sure the music’s terrible but it drowns out the dialogue.”
This type of movie requires
just a bit more aggressive riffing style, something the boys perfect in season
six with some real monsters like Starfighters
and The Beast of Yucca Flats.
Here, they put in a good effort, but its not quite enough. Most like you’ll
feel like Tom Servo as the last few minutes of the movie play out and start
screaming “ENNNNND! ENNNNNND!!!!!”
My wife does, and pretty much refuses to watch this one.
The episode begins with Mike
attempting to play blackjack with the bots. Crow is obsessed with doubling
down. For the invention exchange Mike creates a giant razor for shaving back
hair. The mads create an atomic hairdryer (inspired by the atomic hearing aid).
At the first break Mike asks the bots to write an essay based on the Cheating
short. Crow wasn’t paying attention. At the next break everyone presents their
essays and Crow cheated! For the next break Mike and bots meet about Crows
cheating. Tom wants Crow burned at the stake. When the movie ends Crow meets
his accusers and deliver’s a speech. He won’t own up to a thing!
All in all, this episode is
a tough one. When I’m in the mood for something this dumb, I find it to be an
average episode. But if you aren’t prepared, it can be painful. Still the
Cheating short is classic stuff, and worth seeking out.
I give it two atomic hearing
aids out of five.
This episode is available on
a single DVD from Rhino (and may be out of print at this time).
The old saying in Hollywood is "Nobody tries to make a bad movie." I'm not so sure.
ReplyDeleteLOL Warren is certainly suspect. I can't imagine how "Amazing Petrified World" seemed like a good idea at all. At least with Batwoman, I can see how someone somewhere thought it might make some money. But its so inept that it makes Ed Wood look skilled.
ReplyDeleteWell done Mr. Warren, few can achieve such fame! :)
I once came up with a theory regarding the Cheating narrative. As is plain, Mary has a much firmer grasp of algebra than John. So much so that she can't comprehend why he can't see the process which is so obvious to her. She's this close to losing it and shrieking, "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, YOU $#%$&#ING MORON!" This is why Mary so readily lets John copy her answers, as well as the indiscrete fashion in which she does it. Mary is so enraged by his cluelessness that she's willing to take a hit to her own grades so that John will go down in flames. That's right, it's not John who's the manipulative dickweed, but Mary. What do you think, sirs?
ReplyDeleteWhile the snippet from The Mole People is the most obvious case, there are a couple of other instances where clips from other films were slipped in that I noticed. The first is the one with Ike the security guard which has absolutely no bearing on anything else. But even more bizarre is the scene with the band suddenly appearing when they go to the cafeteria. Of course an office cafeteria with a in-house band is odd enough. However, if you look closely, you'll see that the people in the background of the shot with the band are in evening dress.
Ok, I love your theory of Mary being the evil mastermind. The lesson is, never trust a woman who wears a doily around her neck. :)
DeleteOh man, I've never noticed the evening dress folks in the background. But I don't get to revisit this one all too often, since it is my wife's least favorite episode of the Mike era.