Summary:
Teacher April Thomas
(Jacqueline Cole) has had enough. The neighborhood kids are getting hooked on
drugs and the cops won’t do anything about it. So she pulls together an elite
force of seven sexy ladies to fight crime and look hot while doing it. They
include singer Michelle Wilson (Susan Kiger) who’s little brother is hooked on
drugs. Marital arts teacher Kako Umaro (Lieu Chinh) and stuntwoman Terry Grant
(Sylvia Anderson) join the team. Then there’s a cop Elaine Brenner (Robin
Greer) and her super model friend, Maria (Noela Velasco). Rounding out the
group is spunky teen Trish (Liza Greer).
But they’ve got their hands
full dealing with the villainous Mike Farrell (Jack Palance) who is running the
show for the evil Burke (Peter Lawford). They’ve got the money and the muscle
to shut these gals down. But nothing doing! Because they are going to be out
spandexed, out jiggled, out discoed and even out acted by these gals. Nothing
can stand in the way of the Angels’
Revenge.
Movie Review:
"Remember when everyone had this poster, except it was only one of them, and it was Farrah Fawcett?" |
Angels’ Revenge (or 7 From Heaven or Angels’ Brigade) is an odd movie. On
the one hand it is the story of a group of women vigilantes who are out to stop
crime lords Jack Palance and Peter Lawford from selling drugs to kids. It’s got
action, jiggling cleavage and a dash of brutality. On the other hand, it’s a
wacky story of a group of girls looking hot and fighting silly and stupid drug
dealers. It’s got cartoon sound effects and cameos by comedic stars like Pat
Buttram, Alan Hale Jr. Jim Backus and Arthur Godfrey.
It would take a deft hand to
combine these two types of films. Someone like Quentin Tarantino or Robert
Rodriguez could create something that would be perfect for their Grindhouse concept. In fact, Tarantino
has Uma Thurman mention a very similar concept in Pulp Fiction – a television pilot for Fox Force Five.
Drugs compliments of Palance and Lawford. |
Unfortunately deft is not a
word you would use to describe Angels’
Revenge. It almost feels that when the movie was started, a more action-oriented
tone was picked. But about halfway through they decided to switch tactics and
make the film lighter. But the
humor is so obvious and blatant that it nearly reaches parody levels. The film
is obviously inspired by Charlie’s
Angels, but as a parody of the television series it just doesn’t work.
Palance and Lawford play the
whole thing very straight. Lawford is the scowling mob boss obsessed with
maintaining control. Palance is his right hand man who has no problem killing
in cold blood, or watching as one of his pushers beats up a young kid. In fact
the scenes with the drug dealers talking with each other and doing business
could all come from a late 70s action film. The other scenes that seem serious
deal with singer Michelle Wilson and her singing career. Hale Jr. plays her
enthusiastic manager. While he’s jovial in the part, it’s not a comedic role.
Godfriey plays himself, encouraging Wilson on her career. While the
disco-tastic number, “Shine Your Love” is a perfect slice of 70s cheese, it is
not a parody performance at all.
The Angels even have their own souped up attack van! |
However the other 70% of Angels’ Revenge is played for laughs.
You’ve got the comic relief character of Trish, who just wants to be part of
the gang, but is to young to really help (until the script allows her to find
the gangers hideout at the end). The teacher April can never find a thing in
her purse, so of course she always puts the most important items into the
bottomless bag. Her imitation of Olive Oyl from Popeye drives my wife up the wall. Maria the airheaded model is
pretty much around to make dumb comments and shake her cleavage. Even kung-fu
Kako seems to be in the movie to show how hilarious it is to have a girl doing
martial arts. Yeah movie, tell that to Michelle Yeoh.
The odd flip-flop of tone
carries over to the action scenes. The raid on the drug processing shacks is
filled with explosions, gunfire, and evil drug dealers getting killed. It also
includes a really stupid outhouse joke, but for the most part it’s played for
thrills. The final battle against Lawford at his mansion home is also pretty
brutal, including the attempted drowning of one of the girls and Palance’s
character begin mauled by deranged dogs. There’s still humor injected into the
scene with Kako being so fearsome with her blade that the dogs run away in
terror. (As a side note this mansion also appears in the 70s sci-fi flick The Brain Machine).
Teen Trish ends up saving the day, and looking cute all at the same time. |
Then you’ve got the other
“action” scenes. There is a covert operation on the beach. Not only does this
get our seven lovelies into bathing suits, but it also allows them to seduce
two knuckleheads using their wiles. But when their cover is blown, a really
silly fight breaks out. This includes sound effects straight out of Looney Tunes. The other sequence
involves Jim Backus doing his shtick and is so goofy that you can’t take
anything else in the film seriously.
The music is really
something else. Instead of going for your typical wacka-jo-wacka guitar that
seemed all the rage in these films (see Mitchell
for a perfect example), the team goes for something with a bit more classical
feel. There’s moments where you can swear the music was based on “Also sprach
Zarathustra” by Richard Strauss. Then you have a section that sounds like
Ravell’s “Bolero”. These pieces stand out mostly because they sound so out of
place and kinda cheesy.
And then there’s the whole
“Shine Your Love” sequence. I’ll let that speak for itself.
So maybe I’m reading too
much into Angels’ Revenge. After all,
it is just a low budget take on Charlie’s
Angels, right? It’s got the bouncing cleavage covered. It’s got some token
lines about girl power in there. It’s got action, bad guys and a heroic ending.
So really I should just relax and enjoy the jiggly ride, right?
For the most part I agree.
This was never meant to be great art, or anything more than some silly
entertainment that guys will enjoy. Yeah it doesn’t’ paint the gals in the best
light (ironic considering how much the girl power theme is touted), but it is
an exploitation flick, and it was made in the 1970s. Mike and the bots are up
to the task, even if it means sitting through the painful Jim Backus scenes.
Episode Review:
These women will all bounce and behave. |
This episode came near the
end of season six of the series, and that means that boys were firing on all
cylinders at this point. Mike, Trace and Kevin had reached their pinnacle of
riffing delivery by this point and combined with the right movie and the
writing team at the top of their game, you can expect one hell of an episode. Angels’ Revenge delivers in so many
ways.
Everything in this movie is
up for grabs, from the opening credits using their odd “parallelogram vision”,
to the clothes, to the music to the acting (or lack of it). Even when scenes
get bogged down in talky moments (luckily not too frequent in this film), the
boys have a target rich environment commenting on the cars, fashions or slang
of the day. And since this is Comedy Central era episode, the riffing is still
pretty good natured, and never gets too nasty.
Angels’ Revenge is filled with classic riffing moments. During an extended flashback
that opens the film (in which teacher April tells us how she got involved with
her posse), the girls are all posing in a field wearing their spandex and
stumbling over their lines. Crow comments, “I keep waiting for Johnny Wad to
show up.” Later as Michelle climbs a ladder to surprise a guard, the camera is
placed directly below her, so we won’t miss a minute of her butt in action. Tom
despairs with “Oh man, they’re giving away the plot!” About halfway through the
film after all the cleavage and jigging, Crow finally shouts, “Ok, I’m giving
in. I’m looking at the breasts!”
Mr. Buttram unleashes a torrent of homespun chestnuts. I'll try to avoid using the words chest and nuts in this review again. |
Not all the jokes are based
on the girls. Jack Palance is doing his typical craggy acting style and
obviously there for the paycheck. The boys have a field day with him playing
the enforcer and adding their own lines to his grumpy dialogue. They even do a
call back to his previous appearance on the show in Outlaw. As a kid makes off with some drugs, the pusher chases after
him. Jack shifts into high gear – which turns out to be a half interested jog.
Tom growls, “Jack isn’t being paid enough to run.”
Nearly all the guest stars
in the movie get some prime riffing. Of course Alan Hale Jr. is perfect for a
few “Little Buddy” references. Pat Buttram keeps using barnyard slang, so the
boys come up with some creative terms of their own. But the king of shame in Angels’ Revenge is poor Jim Backus. His
scenes are really, really unfunny, and pretty painful to watch. His over the
top portrayal of a right wing militant, combined with the poor acting by our
heroine, and the comic relief militiamen form a perfect storm or un-funny. But
the boys go to town, with Tom finally saying, “I’m just going to look away
until the funny part ends”.
Mike Nelson is Lorenzo Lamas! |
The host segments are quite
a bit of fun too. Things start off with Crow realizing that he has amnesia. He
can’t remember anything, or actually he can remember a bunch of stuff,
including that he actually has Ambrosia. Then the mad scientists reveal that
the ratings for the show are down, so they need to do something to increase interest
quickly. They dress like their favorite relief pitchers from the 1970s. Then
they use a food additive to turn Mike and bots into the cast of the 1990s
series Renegade (with Lorenzo
Lamas). Biker Mike is pretty hilarious. At the first break Crow shares a script
for his new blacksploitation film. Mike doesn’t think he has enough funk to
pull off the part. At the next break Mike does his Fonzy impression. The bots
respond with a cannon aimed at him. Later Aaron Spelling’s house drifts by the
satellite, because it is so huge, you see. After the movie ends Tom unveils his
Shame-o-meter. It measures waves of shame from a performance in units of
Lawfords, up to Giga-Lawfords. They use it on clips from the movie, and the
Shame-o-meter nearly explodes. But it finally does go crazy when the Mads
appear one last time dressed as Bobby Riggs and Billie Jean King – because they
“like to be topical and current”.
"Jim Backus' performance reaches Giga-Lawford levels of shame." |
Mike declares “This movie is
a shrine to twelve year old boys!” and I’m hard-pressed to disagree with him. But
it also makes for one of the funniest episodes of season six and certainly in
my top twenty list for all time best episodes of the series. If you enjoy a
heaping helping of 70s cheesiness and don’t mind a large dose of cleavage, than
you’ll get a kick out of this film.
I give it five souped up
attack vans, out of five.
This episode is available on
the Mystery Science Theater Volume 1.
This is, hands down, my favorite episode of MST3k. I don't know if it's the cringe-inducing attempts at humor you covered, the cringe-inducing stereotypes (I love how Kako is a Vietnamese woman with a Japanese name played by a Chinese actress), or maybe it's just my weird fascination with the 70s. I just love it.
ReplyDeleteIt's also very quotable: "~Vaguely Strauss... but not!~"; "It's Dworkin-fest 79!"; "And here's where we're putting a fascist petting zoo..."; "Hey, mister, you're dragging your high school girl!" Yeah, I'll stop. I'm glad to find someone else who loves it since I know people who dismiss everything past season five as terrible, but Angels Revenge is just gold.
Yes, it is certainly a favorite around our house. I completely forgot to mention Kako's very odd background. Thanks for pointing it out!
DeleteAs for people who dismiss everything past season five as terrible, well they are flat out wrong. Have they not seen "Space Mutiny"?
I find that they're people very attached to the nostalgia of the early seasons. Eventually, this mutates into "everything sucked after they got rid of Joel", even though that's incredibly far from the truth. It's one or two people in my experience, but they repeat it like a sacred mantra of pigheadedness.
DeleteThis sounds marvelously awful.
ReplyDeleteWhen faced with a role in a movie like this, I suppose all an actor like Jack Palance can do in a movie like this is play it straight and hope the check clears. I remember John Wayne in an interview describing how -- on the advice of John Ford -- he dealt with dialogue that was maudlin or in some other way uncomfortable for him. He just said the lines completely straight. They either worked or they didn't, but nothing else he could do would make them better. I've kept the advice in mind for sales work, which is acting of a sort.
I've never heard that story about Wayne. It makes perfect sense. I think you may be right about Palance. He had to know what kind of movie "Angels' Revenge" was going to turn out to be, so he just played it straight and it only makes the film more fun.
DeleteSales is acting. Working in retail for 10 years convinced me of that. :)