This episode explodes on the
screen with the first episode of a serial called The Phantom Creeps. In it, Bela Lugosi is the deranged scientist
Dr. Zorka. Because of his goofy last name, he is out to make all kinds of
crazy inventions, including exploding spiders, invisibility belts and one of
the strangest looking robots in cinema history. The plot for this episode
introduces Zorka as he tries to convince folks that a) he isn’t crazy and b)
his inventions are valuable. He fails at both, and of course goes on the
rampage. He is able to convince people he is dead, and then starts his
homegrown terrorism project. It all ends with a cliffhanger as our heroes
attempt to escape a plummeting plane after an exploding spider takes out the
pilot. Yeah read that sentence again and try to imagine it on a shoestring
budget.
Jungle Goddess starts in deepest darkest Africa (on a back lot somewhere) where sleazy
bush pilot Bob (Ralph Byrd) and his straight-laced partner Mike (George Reeves)
are just scraping by. Bob comes across a news report that declares a huge
reward for finding the missing heiress Greta Vanderhorn (Wanda McKay). The two
decide to search for the missing lass, and eventually find her... and a whole
heap of trouble.
Because this is a movie of
it’s time, the (black) natives of the jungle found (white) Greta and believed
she was a goddess from the sky. She rules over them all, but is about ready to
head back to civilization thank you very much. Bob discovers the village is
situated on a huge deposit of a radioactive element – and he sees dollar signs.
But his trigger-happy nature gets everyone in trouble with the natives. Can the
Jungle Goddess escape with her
newfound friends?
Movie Review:
Behold Bela's goofy beard and goofier robot. |
This is the first episode,
so it’s a bit exposition heavy. Dr. Zorka shows off all his inventions, even
perfecting the invisibility belt in front of us. His lab is full of secret
passages and hidden doors. In addition to interacting with his inventions, we
also get to see him attempt to convince his wife and a potential financial
backer about the usefulness of his work. The dialogue here is very silly and
overblown, offering plenty of laughs by itself.
Two sequences in The Phantom Creeps stand out as
completely hilarious. The first is where Zorka fakes his own death. So many
things need to happen for this plan to work – and guess what? They all fall
into place. It’s so ridiculous, the only response is laughter. The other
classic serial moment is when the exploding spider takes out the pilot and
causes the plane to spiral out of control to its doom. The visuals involving
the invisible belt, the little spider, the feeble explosion and then all the
ridiculous dialogue from the heroes are great stuff.
A scene that inspired the film "Arachnophobia"? |
The Phantom Creeps is exactly what it needs to be, a crazy blast of serial entertainment.
It’s pacing is a bit bizarre, but I chalk that up to the fact that it is the
first episode, and there is plot and character stuff that needs to be revealed.
But of the three serial adventures MST3K tackled, it seems the least thought
out. Both Radar Men from the Moon and
The Undersea Kingdom felt a little
more coherent.
Lucky for us, Jungle Goddess is coherent. Unluckily
for us, it’s also boring as all heck. In many ways it resembles the flick Queen of the Amazons. The plots are
similar, the budgets both look pretty sparse and the use of stock footage is
pretty rampant. What makes this film a little better is George Reeves and Wanda
McKay. They both put in a fine effort and elevate the film from a painfully bad
to just plain dull.
I thought Superman didn't need a plane to fly. |
The plot is so uninspired in
Jungle Goddess that I can’t really
blame him. To our eyes, the whole concept of the white woman ruling over the
black tribe is pretty offensive. But back in 1948 I’m guessing it didn’t do
much more than raise an eyebrow or two. Besides with the tagline: “TEMPTRESS…
of 1000 untamed men! RULER… of a savage empire!”, well I think we all know what
was being promoted here – stock footage!
Yes all the low budget
jungle film tropes rear their ugly heads. Lots and lots of stock footage is
used. Most of it awkwardly edited into shots in some of the least convincing ways
possible. You get some really bad jungle sets (very similar to the ones used in
Lost Continent). Then you get the
“natives” who are all pretty embarrassing to watch. The worst is Wanama played
by single named Armida. The only reason she’s the worst is because she is a
Hispanic actress in blackface speaking in broken English.
"Wait a minute, I thought Weissmuller was in this flick." |
This leaves the acting. As I
mentioned Reeves isn’t bad as the straight arrow Mike. He’s earnest and brave,
everything you want in an adventure hero. But you get the feeling that a guy like
this would have ditched Bob pretty darn quick. Byrd turns Bob into a conniving,
greedy, jerk with an itchy trigger finger. This guy is more than willing to
sell his “friend” out to angry natives, kill anyone who gets in his way and
generally behave like an ass. He’s actually the true villain of the film, which
is saying something especially when you see how anyone of color is portrayed in
the film.
McKay is actually pretty
alluring as Jungle Goddess Greta.
Her interaction with Reeves actually has a bit of chemistry to it. So when they
team up about halfway through the film, it works pretty well. Still she is
given some pretty horrid dialogue, and you get the feeling that she is playing
a role for a woman who is a bit younger than she was.
As poor as the pacing is,
there are some good things about the movie. It actually has some interesting noire style lighting in a few scenes. Some of the stock footage is
fun to watch. Byrd starts chewing the scenery at the end, and makes it a bit
more entertaining. But all in all, it makes me realize how good the assorted Tarzan movies were. Even something as
weak as Tarzan Escapes was better
than this movie. But was the film enough to provide solid riffing fodder for
Joel and the bots?
Episode Review:
Even the robot is working for the weekend. |
As is often the case the
short, The Phantom Creeps provides
the most memorable laughs. But because this installment is a bit exposition
heavy, it’s not quite as good as some of the stuff later on. Joel and bots have
the most fun with the silly beard that Bela wears in the beginning of the
episode and then with all his inventions. When Zorka puts on the invisible belt
for a test run, it malfunctions and causes him to stagger around in agony. Joel
quips, “Oh man, just a little issue with the four alarm chili.” Once Zorka gets
it working and becomes a moving blur Tom says, “That’s a pretty good impression
of Patrick Swayze.” This episode aired in 1990, so the movie Ghost made this a very current riff.
But it’s the bigheaded robot that brings one most of the funniest moments.
After Zorka makes a huge production about the robot, as the door slides open
Crow says, “What’s the big deal? It’s s a big metal Richard Kiel.” This was
before they all got to see Kiel’s tongue slopping up shaving cream in Eegah.
The pacing of The Jungle Goddess is what keeps the
riffing from really taking off. This being a Season 2 episode (and an early one
at that), the team hadn’t quite got the hang of really unleashing on slow
moving targets. The riffs come along at a steady but slow pace. But there are
some good ones in there.
Our heroes see the end of the jungle back lot. |
Bob’s trigger-happy
jerkiness causes a bunch of jokes. When a native pops up from a bush and Bob
blows the poor guy away Joel says, “Hope that’s an acceptable greeting.” Uh,
yeah, not quite. During the finale as the white folk attempt to escape the
natives, we keep seeing stock footage of animals. Tom riffs, “Hey Bob, there’s
a living thing. Why don’t you swing into high and kill it!”.
Even the Jungle Goddess herself isn’t immune to
the riffing. In fact she is the source of a running joke for the entire series.
When Greta is talking with Mike about how homesick she is, she says, “I sure
could go for a hamburger sammich and some French-fried potatoes.” The writers
at MST3K picked up on that and it would pop up in other episodes, whenever
hamburgers or fries were on the screen. It even plays a key role in one of the
host segments for I Accuse My Parents.
Later when Greta and Mike plot their escape, Greta says, “Obey my every command,
no matter how strange.” Joel just sighs and says, “Oh wow…”
Joel Robinson is... The Jungle Goddess! |
In the end you get an average episode. The riffing is above average for the short and average for the film. Not bad for a lazy Sunday, but not one I reach for very often.
I give it 3 hamburger
sammiches out of five.
They still played these serials on Saturday morning TV when I was a kid. Since the episodes often were played back-to-back, the cheat scenes became obvious. You know the ones. Episode 5 ends with the hero driving over a cliff with no discernible hope of survival. Episode 6 begins with the hero rolling out the car door just before the car goes over the cliff. "Hey, wait a minute! That wasn't in the last episode!" I watched them anyway but remember little of them except random scenes. (I do recall that goofy robot but nothing about the plot.) By and and large, they, as you say, weren't memorable.
ReplyDeleteAh the infamous cheat scenes. Yes. If I remember this one properly, you see the plane crash with our heroes inside. Then at the beginning of the next episode, you see them parachute out before the plane crashes.
DeleteAs Annie Wilkes from "Misery" would say, "They didn't jump from the caca-doodie plane!"
The moment she references in the movie comes right out of "Radar Men from the Moon". When I first caught that episode on MST3K, both my wife and I burst out laughing and said the line from "Mistery" at the same time.