Inglourious Bastards (2009)

Introduction:

I try not to miss Tarantino’s films. I enjoy them more often than not. But for some reason I never got around to checking this one out until recently. I couldn’t quite wrap my head around him doing a war film. I should have known that this isn’t exactly a war film at all.

Summary:

In the middle of World War II a cast of characters is on a collision course with fate. First there’s Lt. Raine (Brad Pitt) and his Jewish crew of Nazi killers. These guys have created an unstoppable force that is putting the fear of God back into the Germans. Then there’s Shosanna (Melanie Laurent) a lovely woman who owns a movie theater. A chance encounter with a Nazi actor, Fredrick Zoller (Daniel Bruhl) gives her a chance at the ultimate revenge. Finally there is the deadly and charming Col. Landa (Christoph Waltz) whose skills in hunting down people (and Jews in particular) is about to be severely tested. The movie climaxes with explosions, shootouts and an inferno. But really did you expect a movie called Inglorious Bastards to end any other way?

Good Points:

• Really ratchets up the tension in key scenes
• Christoph Waltz steals nearly every scene he’s in
• Has some great Tarantino lines

Bad Points:

• The tone seems a bit inconstant in this one
• Some of the Tarantino dialogue just doesn’t click in subtitles
• The violence is going bother some viewers

Overall:

Another solid film by Tarantino, I enjoyed it quite a bit. However this felt like it was trying to be a little too epic to be the trashy good fun I expected to find. This made the film difficult to completely enjoy because I wasn’t sure if I should be laughing or deeply disturbed. In the end, I figured this will required another viewing in the future. I’ve found I enjoy his work more with each viewing.

Scores (out of 5)

Visuals: 4

Sound: 4

Acting: 4

Script: 4

Music: 4

Direction: 4

Entertainment: 4

Total:  4

Curious about a full review, sent me an email and I’ll make additional thoughts to this review.

The Hudsucker Proxy (1994)

Introduction:

Before they unleashed Fargo on the world in 1996, Joel and Ethan Coen released a playful homage to the golden era of films. At the time the screwball comedy mixed with some unusual casting choices didn’t ring true for audiences. Were those audiences missing out on something, or did the Coen brothers make a movie too quirky to work?

Summary:

In the year 1958 Norville Barnes (Tim Robbins) arrives from the small town of Muncie, in the metropolis of New York. He’s ready to find a corporate job (after graduating from business school), and eventually gets hired into the mailroom of Hudsucker Industries. He arrives just in time, because corporate head Waring Hudsucker (Charles Durning) has just killed himself in a spectacular fashion. The board is concerned because Hudsucker’s stock is going to be sold at the first of the year, and they want to retain control. So they come up with a cunning plan to drive the stock down, and scoop it up cheap. All they need is a chump they can promote to be the new president of Hudsucker Industries. And so begins Norville’s meteoric rise to power. Will he be able to avoid the traps laid by the conniving Sidney Mussburger (Paul Newman) and plucky reporter Amy Archer (Jennifer Jason Leigh)? Norville’s got a swell idea and it involves a single circle – you know, for kids!

Good Points:

• Has an amazing visual look to it, with excellent camera work all the way around
• Tim Robbins nails the part of good-natured dope
• Excellent use of Carter Burwell’s adapted musical score

Bad Points:

• Some of the casting choices and performances will annoy viewers
• The mix of quirkiness and classic age filming style misses the boat in places
• Too over the top for its own good

Overall:

This is a fun movie with its heart in the right place. And while I enjoy all the visual flair, I will admit that some of the performances are an acquired taste. Leigh is doing her best fast talking Katherine Hepburn, and I know some folks hated it. Others complained endlessly about the misuse of Paul Newman as the mustache-twirling villain (he looks like he’s having a great time). I was just disappointed by the criminally underused Bruce Campbell. The movie has a spirit all its own, and if you enjoy classic cinema and are familiar with the Coen brothers’ style of humor, you’ll find a lot to enjoy. The hula-hoop montage alone is worth the price of the rental.

Scores (out of 5)

Visuals: 5

Sound: 4

Acting: 4

Script: 4

Music: 5

Direction: 4

Entertainment: 4

Total:  4

Curious about a full review, sent me an email and I’ll make additional thoughts to this review.

Nostalgia Nugget: Those Holiday Classics

Each year us movie fans end up settling in with our favorite holiday classics. Being brought up with a family that celebrates Christmas, I enjoy watching Christmas films. There are the classics that most folks enjoy; It’s a Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34^th Street, White Christmas or even biblical epics like Ben Hur.

But if you look off the beaten path there are some Christmas films out there that don’t get mentioned, but hell I enjoy them and they often hold a nostalgic place for my family and me. And yes Mystery Science Theater episodes count.

Santa Claus (1959)

One of the weirdest movies I’ve ever seen. This Mexican take on the Santa Claus story is filled to bursting with oddities. You get enslaved children workers, a huge, huge mouth, Santa spying on people with a disturbing telescope, an imp from hell trying to fight Santa and the horrible laughing reindeer. No, nothing can prepare you for the terrors within. So if you seek this out, make sure it’s the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version, with Mike and bots on hand to riff away.

Gremlins (1984)

Joe Dante’s demented dark sense of humor, combined with his love of Loony Tunes and some of the most disgusting death scenes ever enacted on puppets – it’s a holiday classic for sure. The movie features all kinds of Christmas trappings, and Jerry Goldsmith even works some Silent Night into the score. Looking for something a bit nasty to counteract the wholesomeness this time of year – look no further than a severed Gremlin head on the fire and the movie ending with the town of Kingston Falls on fire.

Trancers (1985)

Sure it borrows from The Terminator, but its all done in good fun. Besides it’s got a futuristic cop hunting zombies in 1985 during Christmas. Add in Helen Hunt dressed as a cute mall elf and it’s just too awesome to describe. If you enjoy low budget sci-fi from the Regan years, this is well worth checking out.

Die Hard (1988)

Want hard-hitting action this Christmas? Look no further than one of the best action films of the ‘80s. Bruce Willis is still great as McClane and Alan Rickman is still the slickest bad guy we love to hate: Hans Gruber. But what really is amazing is how director John McTiernan manages to keep the 131 minute film sailing along and bursting with great lines and great pacing. If you haven’t seen it in a while, give it another spin.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)

Take one silly kids movie featuring one of the funniest looking robots in history, combine it with the most annoying Martians in history and you’ve got a real winner for the riffing crowd. Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Cinematic Titanic have both tackled this film with plenty of laughs to be had. The theme song Hooray for Santee Claus is enough to give you nightmares.

Scrooged (1988)

Richard Donner’s final version of this film may be flawed, but there is so much to like here I give it a pass. Bill Murray is excellent as Frank Cross, really giving is a nasty character as well as the reformed Scrooge at the end. The interplay between the TV special and the ghosts is hilarious. Danny Elfman gives us a darkly magical score to accompany the action. Then there’s the ghosts, some of the funniest and most creative seen in any version of A Christmas Carol or any of its adaptations.

Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)

Or maybe you just want to have some more felt in your Charles Dickens experience. Well here ya go, one of the most fun adaptations of the story, and with all your favorite Muppets at hand. Michael Caine is an excellent Scrooge and really works well with the rest of the puppety cast. Add to that Paul Williams providing the song and lyrics and you’ve got some of the catchiest tunes since the original Muppet Movie.

Mitchell (1975)

Hey don’t make that face at me, part of this moronic police drama takes place during Christmas. Joe Don Baker is a slovenly cop who annoys everyone he meets, sleeps with hookers, gets in fights with Merlin Olsen and has his own theme song sung by Hoyt Axton. How he’s supposed to be our hero is anyone’s guess, but there it is. This was the final Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode with Joel as the host, and its one of the funniest riffing sessions they ever had. Fun to watch any time, but usually makes the rounds this time of year because of the Christmas scene at John Saxon’s house.

Jack Frost (1964)

A Russian fairy tale movie about the magical Jack Frost (or Morozko, the Russian equivalent of Santa Claus). I’m sure unedited; in its original aspect ratio and language this is a fun fantasy film for children and adults alike. Some editing and dubbing later and you’ve got a fever dream of epic proportions. A man with a bear head, a conversation with flowers, a game of hide and seek with a mushroom man, a cackling witch, an enchanted wooden pig sled and an evil black cat are mixed into one story and unleashed on the audience. I love this movie for all its sweetness and amazing visuals. I also love that Mike and bots riff on it in this wonderful offering from Season Eight of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Tenchi Muyo: Daughter of Darkness (1997)

This second film (also known as Midsummer's Eve) in the Tenchi Muyo series takes place during summer, but has a bunch of flashbacks and talk about Christmas all the way through it. While it helps to at least have seen some of Tenchi’s previous adventures prior to giving this movie a spin, there’s lots of fun to be had. This movie feels a lot closer to the original series made in 1992, and also to that take on the characters. Ko Otani’s musical score is a mix of great synth oriented themes, a sprinkling holiday cheer and excellent battle music. Ok, I admit it, this is a very personal choice, but I enjoy watching it this time of year or closer to Midsummer if the mood is right. Besides the end credits song is about Christmas presents!

Tokyo Godfathers (2003)

One of my favorite anime directors, Satoshi Kon, delivers his most realistic film. It follows the adventures for three homeless folks who find a baby in a dumpster and go on a quest to return her to her parents. Along the way they have all kinds of adventures and it culminates into one of the most amazing chase scenes in animation history. A mixture of heart, silly humor and sadness, this is one movie filled to the brim with the spirit of the holidays.

So give one of these movies a shot next time you’re looking for something a little different around the holidays. 

Trancers (1985)

Introduction:

A long time ago I watched this movie and thought it was a weak wannabe of Terminator. But a review of the film over at Direct to Video Connoisseur inspired me to revisit it. Besides it has Helen Hunt in it, how bad could it be?

Summary:

Jack Deth (Tim Thomerson) is a police officer in the distant future. He is hunting down the dangerous Martin Whistler (Michael Stefani), a criminal with the power to turn weak willed people into drooling zombie-like slaves called Trancers! Whistler has just hurtled into the year 1984 to kill the ancestors of the great council – the only body powerful enough to stop him. But Deth isn’t going to take this lying down, he travels back in time to hunt the bastard. What follows has to be seen to be believed: Helen Hunt dressed as a Mall elf, a punk rocker singing Jingle Bells, a Trancer Santa Claus, assault by tanning booth, and a few film noir style quips courtesy of Mr. Deth. Let the holiday season begin!

Good Points:

• Thomerson and Hunt are excellent in the parts
• Moves along at a great pace
• Balances humor with action to make an entertaining movie

Bad Points:

• Low budget issues
• Very very 80s
• Owes a lot to Terminator and Blade Runner

Overall:

Want an example of what a fun low budget sci-fi movie should be, then stop watching the SyFy channel and give Trancers a shot. Yeah the story isn’t too original, but the cast, the dialogue and the spirit of fun makes this a great movie for a Friday night. Throw in the oh so’80s atmosphere and you’ve got a movie that suits me just fine. All the Christmas decorations and the scene with the trancer-afied mall Santa make it perfect for holiday viewing. If you have Netflix download – it’s currently available there. Check it out.

Scores (out of 5)

Visuals: 3

Sound: 3

Acting: 4

Script: 4

Music: 3

Direction: 4

Entertainment: 5

Total:  4

Curious about a full review, sent me an email and I’ll make additional thoughts to this review.

The Muppets (2011)

Introduction:

Oh those mischievous Muppets, what have they been up to lately. Well they’ve made some funny online parodies and a few pretty bad made for TV movies. I was beginning to wonder if the best Muppet adventures lay in the distant past. And then this movie came along.

Summary:

Walter (Peter Linz) is bursting with excitement, because his brother Gary (Jason Segel) is taking him to L.A. to see the Muppet Studios! Oh yeah and Gary’s girlfriend Mary (Amy Adams) is along because of some kind of anniversary, but what’s more important is that Walter will get to see his heroes! Unfortunately the Muppet Theater is nothing but a dusty old wreck. Worse still the theater is about to be demolished by the evil Tex Richman (Chris Cooper), unless someone can buy the land from him. So Walter, Gary and Mary rush off to find the Kermit and the rest of the gang to put on a show and raise the money. But will anyone care if The Muppets put on a show? Get ready for a bunch of silly songs, a bunch of celebrity cameos and more felt than you can possibly imagine.

Good Points:

All the Muppets are back and mostly in character

The songs are a lot of fun

A nice blend of nostalgia and silliness

Bad Points:

The focus isn’t completely on the old favorites

Some of the covers of pop music may go down a bit rough

If you hate felt, then avoid this movie

Overall:

Yes I had a good time with this movie, and that’s about what you can expect from it. It took someone who loves the Muppets, Segel, to really get back to the heart of the characters and the feel of their older work. So this movie is as much about nostalgia as it is about getting the Muppets in and out of silly situations. Any fan of the old movies (especially The Muppet Movie) should give this one a try, I think you’ll have a great time and find yourself humming some of the tunes. I will forever ask myself if I am a manly Muppet or a Muppet of a man.

Scores (out of 5)

Visuals: 4

Sound: 4

Acting: 4

Script: 4

Music: 4

Direction: 4

Entertainment: 5

Total:  4

Curious about a full review, sent me an email and I’ll make additional thoughts to this review.

Night of the Blood Beast (1958) – MST3K Review

Summary:

It all begins with the short film from 1956, Once Upon a Honeymoon. All songwriter Jeff (Ward Ellis) and his wife Mary (Virginia Gibson) want to do is go on their honeymoon. They were married a year ago, but Jeff was so swamped with his work on a play that the honeymoon was put off. Just as they are about to leave, they get a call from Jeff’s boss. The lead actress in the show is demanding a rewrite of the song. Despair starts to creep in as the couple attempts to come up with a song. Little do they know that their guardian angel, Wilber (Chick Chandler) has a bit of heavenly magic ready to help them out.

Night of the Blood Beast begins with an astronaut John Corcoran (Michael Emmet) crash landing on earth. He doesn’t survive, but NASA picks up the ship and the body to study just what went wrong. When the crew gets back to their station, they find that they all contact to the outside world is blocked out by a powerful magnetic force. Before you can say, alien life form, one of the scientists is killed gruesomely and a strange shape is seeing wandering around the base. On top of that John comes back to life – and he’s got a little surprise. Turns out he didn’t come back alone. Incubating inside his body are small living creatures of unknown origin. What other horrors will be revealed during the Night of the Blood Beast?

Movie Review:

Every once in a while Mystery Science Theater 3000 would find a short subject that was so bizarre, so unique, that it would defy comprehension. Once Upon A Honeymoon is right up there with Out of this World and Mr. B Natural.

This is little movie combines elements of It’s a Wonderful Life with a ‘50s musical extravaganza. The opening scene with the angels floating around on cloud nine is certainly bizarre enough. But when Wilber cruises down to the roof of the house and uses his portable phone to call the head angel, you’ve just got to wonder what kind of pills the creators were popping.

But the real puzzle is figuring out the point of the whole enterprise. It’s obvious that this is a short film advertisement for something. But unlike the outrageous Design for Dreaming which clearly made its goal the exciting cars of the 1956 Motorama, this little film never clearly points out what its hawking. It took multiple viewings for me to finally realize that this was an extended ad for designer color phones. And no one was going to watch this thing multiple times, except for fans of MST3K. You see, as Mary is singing and dancing around, wishing for new interior designs for her house, she made sure to mention the different color phones she can get for each room. Also notice how Wilber the angel uses his portable phone, and the boss makes a big deal of using conference call and speakerphone technology.

So, compared to Century 21 Calling it’s a failure as an advertisement. But for sheer goofiness it’s a hoot. The wishing song is ridiculous in the extreme. The acting is over the top. The dance sequences are silly. Wilber the angel presents a whole new take on floaty. It’s just packed with everything a fan of absurd cinema could want in their short film.

Executive producer for Night of the Blood Beast is Roger Corman, and that should give you a hint of what’s in store. Corman can be really hit or miss. And the fact that this film was paired with She Gods of Shark Reef may have you worried. But there is some interesting stuff in this movie even if (as Mike puts it) the film has been thoroughly Corman-ized.

I liked the interesting twists involving the alien creature (played by a shambling Ross Sturlin). When it reveals its intentions at the end, it’s actually kind of interesting. The idea of the creature using the dead body of John as a living incubator was unusual, as was the fact that John was still technically dead. Sure he could walk and talk and even remember his fiancé Julie (Angela Greene). But he was obviously affected by the power of the creature.

There is an interesting film in the middle of this movie. But it does struggle with a few things typical of a low budget film of the era. The first is scope. The rocket ship used in the early portions of the film is pretty silly looking, and extremely small. Worse still is the official NASA equipment used in the film, an old farm truck and what looks like an abandoned radio station as a home base. None of this looks official in the least.

Our team of scientists look even less convincing. Dr. Wyman (Tyler McVey) is the best of the lot, playing the older gent with all the knowledge (and all the long talky scenes). Steve (John Baer) seems to be around to do the heavy lifting and Dave (Ed Nelson) is around to be aggressive. Donna (Georgianna Carter) is around to look cute and take photos. Oh and to be threatened by the Blood Beast. The acting works OK for a flick like this with Carter being the weakest link. Admittedly her part is extremely thin anyway.

The real issue is the pacing. There are lots and lots of talky scenes with little pay off or suspense. There are also several montages of walking (a Corman favorite). I can appreciate the idea to keep costs down by staying on one set, but the film never does much with it (unlike John Carpenter’s The Thing which used its isolated setting to excellent advantage). The scenes with the Blood Beast creeping around almost work at times, but director Bernard Kowalski never manages to pull it off. I had the same issue with his film Attack of the Giant Leeches.

The final result is that the movie has enough oddities in it to make it interesting, but enough issues to bog it down too much. But Mike and the bots are ready and raring to tackle the Blood Beast.

Episode Review:  

What better way to start off the truncated season seven of Mystery Science Theater than with a Roger Corman “classic”? Not only did Mystery Science Theater 3000, tackle this film, but they also aired it on Thanksgiving of 1995, as part of the Turkey Day Marathon. As such the episode has two unique sets of host segments: one them revolving all around Thanksgiving. So here you go, the Thanksgiving episode of my favorite show.

For the most part, season seven is a final hurrah for the cast and crew. You get the feeling here that they were going to go out with a bang, and why not start with something that fit their MO – a black and white sci-fi film with no budget. Having already tested their mettle with some of the most painful films ever made in season six (Coleman Francis trilogy of pain, not to mention Starfighters and Racket Girls), even this slog-fest from Cormanland couldn’t keep the boys down.

Besides they start out with the amazingly goofy Once Upon a Honeymoon. From the minute the credits kick in Mike and bots just let the riffs fly and the short just keeps on giving. The angel board meeting offers all kinds of silly office related humor.  When Wilber floats down to land on the roof of the house and gets tangled in the television antenna Tom quips, “They just got immaculate reception,” I also loved all the jokes they give Jeff as he grumbles and grouses about writing the new song and putting off the honeymoon: and all the sex that entails. During one scene as he scowls at the screen, his wife wanders over and asks how it’s going. Crow responds with “Here’s how far I got: LAA!”

The wishing song and the dance sequences offer all kinds of hilarious riffing opportunities. Tom does what he does best, add hilarious riffs to the music and lyrics. When a dance number starts, Mike focuses on the painful smile on Jeff’s face and says in a strained voice “Honey, help! I can’t stop smiling!” Mike decides that the film “is the perfect pairing with Eraserhead”.  While that is a hilarious thought, I believe that Once Upon a Honeymoon is one of the perfect pairings for Mike and the bots.

The movie proves a little tougher, but not too much. As usual the talky scenes and walking scenes are a challenge for riffing. But the guys focus more on the low budget “NASA” equipment the crew uses, especially “Fred Sanford’s truck”. I also like Crow’s comment, “If the name says Corman, then there’s gonna be walkin’.”

They also get confused during one of the talking scenes on the name of one of the characters. It appears that Judy refers to two different men as Steve. So Mike and the bots just start calling everyone Steve – even Donna! This was very similar to Joel and the bots getting confused with Ken in Fugitive Alien.

But for me the best jokes revolve around the monster and the pregnant John. Crow identifies the monster as “Barney after his horrible ordeal with the wild fire”. Mike gasps in horror when its revealed that John “is pregnant with shrimp”. This leads to all kinds of pregnant humor from the boys. But Tom notes that Night of the Blood Beast is much better than the Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle Junior.

The main host segments revolve around Thanksgiving. It all starts when Dr. Forrester discovers that Frank invited a whole bunch of people over for Thanksgiving dinner before he disappeared at the end of season six. These include appearances from many visitors from seasons past including Pitch from Santa Claus and Jack Perkins from his appearance in Fugitive Alien. Forrester’s mother Pearl also shows up to make his life miserable. With each passing break the Thanksgiving meal goes downhill as Dr. Forrester continues to screw things up and his guests complicate matters (Kitten with a Whip keeps throwing up hairballs in and on the food). On the satellite Mike has to act as a ref as the bots tackle the age old debate: stuffing or mashed potatoes! Later Pearl and “Art” (Pearl keeps calling Crow that) catch up on old times. The feast ends with Dr. Forrester and Pearl gloating as all the guests react to the Turkey Surprise.

This is a solid episode. The short is one of the funniest they tackled. The movie is an above average riffing session and the holiday themed host segments hit the spot.

I give it four baby shrimp out of five.

This episode is available on the Mystery Science Theater Collection volume XVI.

The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy (1958) – MST3K Review

Summary:

This episode features the first segment in the serial adventure series, Radar Men From the Moon. This 1952 serial features the adventures of Commando Cody (George Wallace) as he first discovers the threat of the moon men on earth and then hurtles to the moon itself to bring the battle to them. Cody uses his super cool rocket pack to fly into adventure. He’s no slouch when it comes to fisticuffs or using his revolver, either. Cody’s a man of action and those moon men are in for some trouble!

You’d think the title The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy would reveal the entire plot, but no, this movie is filled to bursting with storyline. It all begins when Dr. Eduardo Almada (Ramon Gay) gathers his scientifical friends over to fill them in on previous events. In an e-x-t-e-n-d-e-d flashback, he reveals that he regressed his wife Flora (Rosa Arenas) into a past life and discovered that she was an Aztec priestess. This reveals the location of a valuable breastplate and bracelet. Eduardo grabs his pals and Flora and finds the artifacts, only to discover that taking the treasures raises the wrath of the Aztec mummy Popoca (Angel Di Stefani).

They are able to return the valuables before anyone gets really hurt, but the evil Dr. Krupp (Luis Aceves Castaneda) decides he wants the breastplate and bracelet for his own.  After a few schemes are thwarted by Popoca, he vanishes without a trace. This ends the flashback, and we return to present day. Krupp has created a robot that is a fusion of corpses and metallic parts. With this he can defeat the Aztec Mummy, but first he needs Flora to lead him to the treasure.

Movie Review:

When it comes to serials Radar Men From the Moon is pretty standard stuff, but it is entertaining if you come at it in the right way. The series is all about overblown fun, with fast editing, a silly plot, low budget special effects, and a cliffhanger ending. You usually get hammy acting, and the moon men provide that in spades, especially the leader Retik (Roy Barcroft). Wallace provides a sturdy hero in the classic ‘50s sense. He’s a square jawed scientist that has no problem getting into fights and shooting villains with his pistol.

What is surprising is how effective and fun the special effects are. For a low budget serial, there are some neat rocket effects, and of course the rocket suit itself. I also enjoyed the miniatures of the city. The editing moves the plot along at a brisk pace and the cliffhanger is a hoot.

Contrast this to The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy which is horribly edited, horribly slow and way too boring to be blessed with this title or its alternate: The Aztec Mummy Against the Humanoid Robot. To be honest the version we are seeing here is dubbed, and I’m not sure what kind of editing job the American distributors did with this film. But the final result has to go down as one of the worst movies in Mystery Science Theaters storied history. For whatever reason, nearly 70% of the movie is composed of flashbacks to the two previous Aztec mummy films: The Aztec Mummy and Curse of the Aztec Mummy. This means you get poorly edited footage with lame voice over provided by a bored English voice actor. Um, yeah its as much fun as it sounds.

What is killer here is the pacing. We’re talking glacial here. Some of this is done to create suspense. But everyone moves like they’re sleepwalking – not just the mummy! The scene where the mummy is first revealed is tedious. It’s composed of floating heads reacting to the slow, slow shadow of the shambling of the mummy. But you know what, maybe it worked fine in the original film. A horror movie benefits from building up to the scary images (especially true of classic horror films). But what we all came here to see was a mummy battling a robot. The fact that it takes so damn long to even introduce the robot is a bad sign.

One of the saving graces is the evil Dr. Krupp who is also known as “The Bat” for some unknown reason. Maybe because he rants and raves like someone whose spent too much time around guano? But once he gets his robot going, things move a little faster. But don’t get your hopes up. The movie still manages to screws it all up. The final battle between the mummy and the robot has to go down as one of the great anticlimaxes in film. You have to see it to believe it. But if you do choose to see this stink pile of a movie – see it with Joel and the bots.

Episode Review:  

This is only the second episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 during its comedy central years, and it shows. There’s a lot of stuff the team hadn’t quite worked out yet. The story goes that after a single viewing of this movie the crew asked Comedy Central if they could skip this movie and find something else to riff. They were denied and so they forged ahead, working on a movie that was so bad it confounded them. The result is a show that none of the crew was really proud of.

The best part of the episode is the riffing on Radar Men From the Moon. It’s actually up to standard quality for later seasons, with the riffs coming at a good pace. The serial gives the team plenty to work with. Tom keeps calling Cody in his trademark helmet “pumpkin boy”.  When a battle erupts between two scientists and some professional thugs, the scientists kick major butt and nearly win. Joel and bots speculate on what the scientists are studying that enables them to be so well versed in fighting. Then there’s the cliffhanger ending that just leaves the bots confused by the whole thing. All in all, the riffing the serials is usually a good time, and this first attempt at it sets the bar high.

But The Robot vs The Aztec Mummy just ends up clobbering the boys. Maybe they were so disheartened about actually having to work on a movie they found too horrible. The movie left such a bad taste in their mouths that they would avoid Mexican films for a good portion of their work (Santa Claus and Samson vs. The Vampire Women being the exceptions).

One of the worst things they have to deal with is the extended narrated flashback. Usually voice over works in the riffing favor. They can usually add lines to the narration to hilarious effect. But here the flat unemotional deliver of the dialogue drains any fun from that portion of the film. We’re talking 70% of the movie here!

There are a couple things that occur in this episode that were never tried again. In one scene a woman is singing, and Joel stands up and puts his hand over her mouth. They actually muffle the singing each time he does it. Joel liked to physically interact with the movies, but this is the only time that what he does affects the actual film. In another scene (the horrible mummy reveal), the heroes have their backs to the camera and their arms in front of them. They way they are lined up does look a bit like men lined up at some urinals. So the crew added some sound effects until they turn around. According to Mike, they are very ashamed by the gag.

The riffing does pick up once the new footage kicks in. The pacing is better and Dr. Krupp is chewing so much scenery that he adds to the comedy. Tom quips “Wow, they just covering the plot holes up in asphalt now.” During a long scene in a cemetery the boys do a whole Martin and Lewis routine as the comic relief character wanders around. They do some fun things with the mummy’s name. My favorite is Crow calling him the Beer Barrel Popoca. Of course the titular showdown gives them a bit to work with as well. The robot is sooo lame that the bot get up in arms at Dr. Krupps faulty invention.

For host segments, they experiment with a complete storyline that covers all the breaks. Things start off with the typical invention exchange. Joel creates an airbag for a motorcycle. The Mads create the “Chalkman” to play nails on chalkboard sound effects to drive party guests away when they refuse the leave. At the first break the Satellite of Love is swarmed by demon dogs! These are little plastic bone dogs painted red (and were originally a toy from the He-man toy series). Tom tries to tame them, but they think he’s a fire hydrant. At the next break the king of the demon dogs arrives and tries to make peace. Gypsy eats him. When the boys come out of the theater the next time, Crow decides to disguise himself as the demon dog king. They see right through it and relieve themselves on him. After the movie ends the demon dogs invade the theater. Joel fires a ball from the SOL and the demon dogs chase it!

This is one of those episodes that long time fans of the show may find interesting. Its neat to see how different the series was in these early shows, and what the crew tried to do to combat such a slow and painful film. But for casual viewers this is a real slog of an episode. See if you can find the Radar Men From the Moon episode on line, but there’s no real need to seek the full episode out.

I give it only one sacred breastplate out of five.

This episode is available on Mystery Science Theater 3000 Volume XV.