The Fly (1958)

Introduction:

This is one of those movies that I’d heard about back when I was a kid. But I had never seen the 1950s version. Yeah I’d seen the 80s version when I was in junior high and was promptly traumatized. So maybe that viewing kept me from seeking out the original (kinda like what happened during the Trauma of the Planet of the Apes incident). But I finally got brave and decided to watch it. Imagine my surprise when I found out that Vincent Price wasn’t the mad scientist in this one.

Summary:

Andre Delambre (David Hedison) is a driven scientist who dreams of achieving something truly groundbreaking for all humanity. His wife Helene (Patricia Owens) supports his efforts, but is sad that it comes at the expense of spending time with her or their son Philippe (Charles Herbert). She often confides with Francois (Vincent Price), Andre’s brother, who is still carrying a torch for her.

Andre eventually creates a working prototype for a device that can transport matter from one location to another instantly. It works fine with inanimate objects, but he runs into some difficulties when he tests it on living creatures. Eventually he perfects the experiment and tests it on himself… yeah, it doesn’t go well. Helene is now faced with a disturbing revelation that her husband may not be the man he used to be. You could blame the failure on Andre, or the bossa nova, but I think we all know it was the fault of The Fly.

Good Points:

• The film works as a mystery suspense film building up to the horror of Andre’s revelation
• Patricia Owens does a very good job in the main role
• There is something just plain disturbing about that scene with the web

Bad Points:

• Those looking for a horror film will be disappointed
• Those looking for Price in his usual wicked self will be disappointed
• The impact of the costume at the end my not work for modern viewers

Overall:

My expectations were just completely wrong with this one. I always assumed it was a horror movie focusing on the mad scientist. Instead it is a suspenseful mystery focusing on Helene and her actions to help her husband. It makes for an interesting film (even though I knew how the whole thing ended). Solid acting and a nice build up made this an entertaining watch.

Scores (out of 5)

Visuals: 3

Sound: 3

Acting: 4

Script: 4

Music: 3

Direction: 3

Entertainment: 3

Total:  3

Curious about a full review, sent me an email and I’ll make additional thoughts to this review.

The 7th Voyage of Sinbad (1958)

Introduction:

Ray Harryhausen had specialized in visual effects since the 1940s.  While his works were prominently featured in films like It Came From Beneath the Sea and 20 Million Miles to Earth never had a single film been dedicated to his creations. When the time came for Harryhausen to step up to the plate, he selected an Arabian Nights style fantasy to really show his stuff. Fantasy films were changed forever.

Summary:

Adventurer and all around hero Sinbad (Kerwin Mathews) is returning to Baghdad with the lovely Princess Parisa (Kathryn Grant) when his ship takes an unexpected detour to the island of Colossa. There he meets Sokurah (Torin Thatcher) a scheming sorcerer who has just pissed off a huge Cyclopes! Sinbad and his men rescue Sokurah and discover that the man has a magic lamp complete with Genie (Richard Eyer). Unfortunately the Cyclopes have taken the lamp, and Sokurah demands it back. Sinbad knows a no win scenario when he sees one and he refuses. They sail from Colossa with a grumpy Sokurah in tow.

When they reach civilization Sinbad parties it up with the Parisa, but Sokurah uses his dark magic to shrink the princess to a handy pocket size. Of course the only way to restore the princess to her proper height is to return to Colossa and obtain the shell from the egg of a huge bird called the Rok. Sinbad grumbles, but he decides to go back, and face the dangers of the island. But it is more than just lumbering Cyclopes and huge birds. He will also face a fire breathing dragon and even an animated skeleton. Will The 7^th Voyage of Sinbad be his final journey?

Good Points:

• Impressive Dynamation effects by Harryhausen
• Creates an immersive world on the island of Colossa
• Wonderful golden age score by Bernard Herrmann

Bad Points:

• Everyone seems awfully white and American to be from the Middle East
• Some over the top acting (especially by Thatcher) leads to chuckles
• Some of the effects lack the polish that we’d see in later films

Overall:

Harryhausen knocks it out of the park with this one. His creatures are amazing and impressive, giving everything an overwhelming scale that hadn’t been seen since King Kong. Beyond that he builds his fantasy world using classic mythic tropes and fairy tale plot points. It makes for a fun ride, even if Mathews feels more like a cowboy than Sinbad. I also love Thatcher, in spite of the fact that he’s the exact opposite of subtle. While it is not my favorite of the Sinbad trilogy, it is a lot of fun.

Scores (out of 5)

Visuals: 4

Sound: 4

Acting: 3

Script: 3

Music: 5

Direction: 4

Entertainment: 4

Total:  4

Curious about a full review, sent me an email and I’ll make additional thoughts to this review.

The Crawling Eye (1958) – MST3K Review

Summary:

The film begins with a couple climbers on a mountain in Switzerland being attacked by an off-screen horror. Whatever attacks them enjoys lopping off heads. Luckily Dr. Alan Brooks (Forrest Tucker) arrives shortly after to set things right. On the train he meets the lovely Pilgrim sisters, Ann (Janet Munro) and Sarah (Jennifer Jayne). Ann is a physic who travels and puts on demonstrations of her uncanny abilities, but something has drawn her to the mountain.

Meanwhile Tucker meets with some of his old scientist pals in their super high tech observatory on the mountain. They’ve been noticing some bitterly cold fog that appears to move in unnatural ways around the mountain. Soon enough more climbers are decapitated, missing climbers turn up acting strangely, Ann is called to the mountain and Tucker shouts at folks a bunch of times. The fog rolls in and with it the horrifying Crawling Eye. Will Forrest be able to save the village from this bizarre menace?

Movie Review:

The crawling eye... and brain... and tentacles?

In the long line of disembodied body parts that have come to life and tried to kill people, the enormous eyeball is rarely seen. Sure the gigantic Pancreas was all the rage, and who can forget the horror of the huge earlobe that tried to smash the city of Denver flat in the hit film “The Skulking Earlobe”. These are crowd-pleasing body parts that everyone loves to see go rogue and destroy towns. But the eyeball, well it just doesn’t get the exposure that others do. It was really quite daring for director Quentin Lawrence to pick it as the main antagonist.

What I’m saying is that The Crawling Eye is ridiculous. So why the hell is it so serious? Why spend the whole movie hiding the eponymous creature? Why have a psychic if you aren’t going to do anything interesting with her? Oh, we can ask these questions all day, but the answers are shrouded in mystery. Or you can just say, it was the 1950s and that is just how these types of movies were made.

That’s why bad movie watchers love them. If you’re up for the typical slow (tension free) build, the stiff acting, the doughy white hero and the hilarious creature in the final 10 minutes than it’s one to seek out. But at the same time, it could have been a bit more fun than it turned out to be.

Ann getting all psychic.

Like most movies of the era, The Crawling Eye is one talky monster movie. A huge amount of time is spent with characters that are basically fodder for the creature. We don’t really get to know them well, but we sit there and listen to them babble for scenes that run too long. There are hints at things that seem to be important. Brooks speaks about a something similar occurring in an expedition to the Andes, but nothing comes of it other than a sense that he must right a wrong from his past. Ann is given a huge build up with her psychic powers. But the filmmakers don’t let her do anything with it other than turn her into a damsel in distress. She didn’t need powers to be that. Her sister is there to look concerned and grave and… not much else. There’s even another male character to end up with Ann, and get some action scenes, but he’s so bland I can’t even remember his name.

Then you’ve got Tucker’s performance as Brooks. It’s typical 50s beefy male hero, who shouts a lot, is very earnest and punches a few people to get things done. In some ways he’s like Cal from This Island Earth but older and without the sonorous voice. Of course he figures out how to stop the creatures, when it’s been painfully obvious to the audience what’s going on. He acts like it’s a revelation, and we’re supposed to be impressed. Mostly I’m wondering if he felt silly doing battle with the tentacles in the finale scene.

Dry alien eyes? Try MST3K brand eye drops.

As for our creatures, well they are a hoot. Yes, they have an eye and they crawl, but they also have some kind of fleshy body that looks like a brain and tentacles that flail around and lift people up. These creatures are portrayed by puppets for the most part. The film does some fun things with them. When they finally show up near the end, you wish they had been present much earlier. A film like Fiends Without a Face did a much better job of creating horror with it’s devilish killer brains and spinal cords, and made them visible earlier in the film to great advantage.

The music in The Crawling Eye was actually pretty fun. It’s big, bombastic and injects some thrills and tension where they are needed. It kind of reminds me of the work of Albert Glasser without all the march-style tracks.

With a premise so silly you kind of wish the movie had embraced the inherent fun. Alas it seems to stumble along and never engage as it should. Luckily there is enough to riff on, and Joel and the bots are on hand for their first official riffing session for Comedy Central.

Episode Review:  

Forrest Tucker in a rare moment not shouting.

For the most part this episode will be a fan favorite because it was the very first episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 on Comedy Central. Prior to this, the show existed only on a cable access station in Minneapolis. This was the first crack that the crew at Best Brains had with their “cow town puppet show”. So they revamped the look of the robots, the sets, the premise, and then picked what they felt would be the iconic movie.

The Crawling Eye in a lot of ways is exactly what you’d expect to find on Mystery Science Theater 3000. It’s black and white. It’s got a ridiculous and yet memorable monster. It’s got star power in the form of Forrest Tucker. It’s completely serious and yet completely goofy. It was an excellent pick to start the series proper.

But keep in mind this is the first episode of the first season. And it is pretty rare that what you see here is the best representation of the series. While the basics are in place, it wouldn’t be until Robot Monster that season one really felt like it was taking off. But that doesn’t mean you can write this episode off.

The main issue with season one episodes is that the riffing is pretty sparse and tends toward comments that observe the action on the screen, instead of actually making a joke based on the action. For example, when some fake looking clouds descend down the matte painting of the mountain, you get Joel and the bots saying something like, “Wow those clouds look fake on Mt. Matte Painting”. While a season two episode would have Crow yelling, “Hey Earl stop smoking behind the matte painting, we’re rolling!” or something like that. These observations became known as “State Park Jokes”, and this episode has quite a few of them.

Joel and the bots are right under that arrow, honestly!

Season one’s pacing feels more like folks watching the movie for the first time and chiming in here and there, instead of the well oiled riffing machine that would evolve later. So there are long stretches of riff free action in The Crawling Eye. It wouldn’t be so bad if the movie weren’t so dull and so afraid to show it’s main monsters.

But there are some gems here. The opening credits contain a strange set of imagery, with arrows pointing at various members of the cast. When the “Directed By” credit appears, the arrow seems to be pointing at Joel and the bots, so they call out “Directed by us!”. The presence of Forrest Tucker leads to all kinds of F Troop jokes. Having never been a fan of the show, most of those went over my head, but they didn’t go crazy with them. In a scene where a snow globe is used a prop during one of Ann’s psychic performances, Crow adds, “Hey when you shake it, the climber’s heads come off.” Later on, Ann is using her ability to see the fate of two climbers. We cut from her babbling to scenes of the men doing exactly as she describes. Of course they get attacked in the fog. Tom realizes, “Hey maybe she’s controlling them. If she shuts up maybe they’ll be OK.”

To be honest the first half of The Crawling Eye is pretty weak. The riffing is infrequent and the state park jokes abound. The second half kicks in with one of the climbers returning to the cabin. This is were things get rolling. This clown is possessed by the creatures and goes around with one eye shut and trying to kill Ann. With his squinty eye and his murderous glowering, the boys start making Popeye jokes. Then there is the fiery finale with Forrest Tucker running around shouting, throwing Molotov cocktails, and battling tentacles. The eye puns come fast and furious. But one of my favorite riffs comes from Crow. Tucker is ordering the ingredients for the Molotov cocktails, and calling the local NATO base for a firebombing. As he barks orders over the phone Crow adds, “Also, deliver six tons of onions and a giant eye chart.”

Undead climber or murderous Popeye?

When it comes to performances in the host segments by our crew, everyone is pretty much in character. Josh Weinstein as Dr. Ernhardt and Trace Beaulieu as Dr. Forrester have the mad scientist shtick down pat. I was never a huge fan of Ernhardt’s character, but he is supposed to be annoying. I just think Weinstein did it too well. However Weinstein makes a great Tom Servo, and some of his riffing is top notch. Josh was only part of the show for this season, but he provided plenty of laughs and his work in the first episode is proof that he was a welcome member of the team. It wasn’t a surprise when he joined Joel Hodgson for his most recent riffing project Cinematic Titanic.

The Crawling Eye also brings us the Joel Robinson character fully formed. Hodgeson pretty much played himself for his entire run of the show, but it was nice to see the more fatherly relationship with the bots already in place in this first episode. Joel’s good-natured riffing is also obvious here, with few of the more aggressive riffs that would become a hallmark of the later years. Trace’s performance as Crow is also exactly what you’d expect. I think there is quite a bit of Crow in Trace and so the character was easy for him to express. All in all, most of the characters are in place in this first episode.

Joel quizes the bots about the film.

While the performances during the host segments are handled well, the segments themselves are pretty rough. This was typical of the first season, most of the host segments just doesn’t click like they did in later seasons. One of the things I always forget is that in these early episodes the mad scientists controlled the experiment, so you’d always start with them babbling about something or other. It works fine in this first episode, as they establish the premise of them controlling Joel’s fate on the Satellite of Love and the experiments with the bad movies. The first segment focuses on this and the invention exchange. Joel creates an Electric Bagpipe, which is a leaf blower and bagpipe combination. The mads come up with the ultimate antiperspirant, which turns you into a dog, because dogs don’t sweat. Dr. Ernhardt demonstrates and starts panting almost immediately. At the first break, Joel has to explain to the bots why humans die if they are decapitated. The second break Gypsy uncoils herself and makes a huge mess. At the third break Joel has to explain why a giant eyeball is horrifying to humans. This turns into a funny discussion on what kind of world would lead to the evolution of a giant eyeball as a dominant life form. The final host segment has Joel asking the robots to give him one good thing and one bad thing about the movie. If they do, they get a ram chip. Of course even the “good things” about the movie are backhanded compliments. This ram chip segment was something that occurred in a few season one episodes.

The Crawling Eye is definitely an episode that will intrigue fans of the show. It’s neat to see this first episode of a favorite series. But for casual fans, all the typical season one issues are here. It’s a slow movie, with a casual riffing session and host segments that aren’t terribly entertaining. I end up comparing the season one episodes to each other, but deduct one star when comparing to the entire series.

I give this one three headless mountain climbers out of five.

This episode is available on Mystery Science Theater 3000: Volume XVII boxset.

It! The Terror From Beyond Space (1958)

Introduction:

Considered one of the classic alien creature features from the ’50s and possibly an inspiration for Ridley Scott’s Alien, this is a flick that has been on my radar for quite some time. With it appearing on Netflix Download, I had to give it a spin on a lazy Sunday.

Summary:

At least, humans have finally set foot on Mars, and all seems to go swimmingly until suddenly all communications are cut off. Now a rescue mission is sent to Mars to find out what happened. They discover the only survivor of the previous mission Carruthers (Marshall Thompson) claims the rest of the crew was killed by an alien entity. The rescue crew scoffs, figuring that Carruthers is the killer. When they lift off they discover that something has snuck aboard and killing the crew one by one. With each passing minute another victim falls to It! The Terror from Beyond Space.

Good Points:

• Once the action kicks in aboard the space ship, it moves quickly
• The stakes escalate with each victim
• Creates a great mood of claustrophobia 

Bad Points:

• Takes a little too long to get started
• The visual effects may be too dated for some viewers
• The creature looks kinda goofy when you see him in the light 

Overall:

This is one of those movies that I can appreciate as an inspiration for future films. It’s got some great moments, but as a whole it was missing something. It’s probably because I appreciate Alien so much that this ends up a bit pale in comparison. But it’s a solid bit of entertainment for fans of classic sci-fi

Scores (out of 5)

Visuals: 4

Sound: 3

Acting: 3

Script: 3

Music: 3

Direction: 3

Entertainment: 3

Total:  3

Curious about a full review, sent me an email and I’ll make additional thoughts to this review.

The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy (1958) – MST3K Review

Summary:

This episode features the first segment in the serial adventure series, Radar Men From the Moon. This 1952 serial features the adventures of Commando Cody (George Wallace) as he first discovers the threat of the moon men on earth and then hurtles to the moon itself to bring the battle to them. Cody uses his super cool rocket pack to fly into adventure. He’s no slouch when it comes to fisticuffs or using his revolver, either. Cody’s a man of action and those moon men are in for some trouble!

You’d think the title The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy would reveal the entire plot, but no, this movie is filled to bursting with storyline. It all begins when Dr. Eduardo Almada (Ramon Gay) gathers his scientifical friends over to fill them in on previous events. In an e-x-t-e-n-d-e-d flashback, he reveals that he regressed his wife Flora (Rosa Arenas) into a past life and discovered that she was an Aztec priestess. This reveals the location of a valuable breastplate and bracelet. Eduardo grabs his pals and Flora and finds the artifacts, only to discover that taking the treasures raises the wrath of the Aztec mummy Popoca (Angel Di Stefani).

They are able to return the valuables before anyone gets really hurt, but the evil Dr. Krupp (Luis Aceves Castaneda) decides he wants the breastplate and bracelet for his own.  After a few schemes are thwarted by Popoca, he vanishes without a trace. This ends the flashback, and we return to present day. Krupp has created a robot that is a fusion of corpses and metallic parts. With this he can defeat the Aztec Mummy, but first he needs Flora to lead him to the treasure.

Movie Review:

When it comes to serials Radar Men From the Moon is pretty standard stuff, but it is entertaining if you come at it in the right way. The series is all about overblown fun, with fast editing, a silly plot, low budget special effects, and a cliffhanger ending. You usually get hammy acting, and the moon men provide that in spades, especially the leader Retik (Roy Barcroft). Wallace provides a sturdy hero in the classic ‘50s sense. He’s a square jawed scientist that has no problem getting into fights and shooting villains with his pistol.

What is surprising is how effective and fun the special effects are. For a low budget serial, there are some neat rocket effects, and of course the rocket suit itself. I also enjoyed the miniatures of the city. The editing moves the plot along at a brisk pace and the cliffhanger is a hoot.

Contrast this to The Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy which is horribly edited, horribly slow and way too boring to be blessed with this title or its alternate: The Aztec Mummy Against the Humanoid Robot. To be honest the version we are seeing here is dubbed, and I’m not sure what kind of editing job the American distributors did with this film. But the final result has to go down as one of the worst movies in Mystery Science Theaters storied history. For whatever reason, nearly 70% of the movie is composed of flashbacks to the two previous Aztec mummy films: The Aztec Mummy and Curse of the Aztec Mummy. This means you get poorly edited footage with lame voice over provided by a bored English voice actor. Um, yeah its as much fun as it sounds.

What is killer here is the pacing. We’re talking glacial here. Some of this is done to create suspense. But everyone moves like they’re sleepwalking – not just the mummy! The scene where the mummy is first revealed is tedious. It’s composed of floating heads reacting to the slow, slow shadow of the shambling of the mummy. But you know what, maybe it worked fine in the original film. A horror movie benefits from building up to the scary images (especially true of classic horror films). But what we all came here to see was a mummy battling a robot. The fact that it takes so damn long to even introduce the robot is a bad sign.

One of the saving graces is the evil Dr. Krupp who is also known as “The Bat” for some unknown reason. Maybe because he rants and raves like someone whose spent too much time around guano? But once he gets his robot going, things move a little faster. But don’t get your hopes up. The movie still manages to screws it all up. The final battle between the mummy and the robot has to go down as one of the great anticlimaxes in film. You have to see it to believe it. But if you do choose to see this stink pile of a movie – see it with Joel and the bots.

Episode Review:  

This is only the second episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 during its comedy central years, and it shows. There’s a lot of stuff the team hadn’t quite worked out yet. The story goes that after a single viewing of this movie the crew asked Comedy Central if they could skip this movie and find something else to riff. They were denied and so they forged ahead, working on a movie that was so bad it confounded them. The result is a show that none of the crew was really proud of.

The best part of the episode is the riffing on Radar Men From the Moon. It’s actually up to standard quality for later seasons, with the riffs coming at a good pace. The serial gives the team plenty to work with. Tom keeps calling Cody in his trademark helmet “pumpkin boy”.  When a battle erupts between two scientists and some professional thugs, the scientists kick major butt and nearly win. Joel and bots speculate on what the scientists are studying that enables them to be so well versed in fighting. Then there’s the cliffhanger ending that just leaves the bots confused by the whole thing. All in all, the riffing the serials is usually a good time, and this first attempt at it sets the bar high.

But The Robot vs The Aztec Mummy just ends up clobbering the boys. Maybe they were so disheartened about actually having to work on a movie they found too horrible. The movie left such a bad taste in their mouths that they would avoid Mexican films for a good portion of their work (Santa Claus and Samson vs. The Vampire Women being the exceptions).

One of the worst things they have to deal with is the extended narrated flashback. Usually voice over works in the riffing favor. They can usually add lines to the narration to hilarious effect. But here the flat unemotional deliver of the dialogue drains any fun from that portion of the film. We’re talking 70% of the movie here!

There are a couple things that occur in this episode that were never tried again. In one scene a woman is singing, and Joel stands up and puts his hand over her mouth. They actually muffle the singing each time he does it. Joel liked to physically interact with the movies, but this is the only time that what he does affects the actual film. In another scene (the horrible mummy reveal), the heroes have their backs to the camera and their arms in front of them. They way they are lined up does look a bit like men lined up at some urinals. So the crew added some sound effects until they turn around. According to Mike, they are very ashamed by the gag.

The riffing does pick up once the new footage kicks in. The pacing is better and Dr. Krupp is chewing so much scenery that he adds to the comedy. Tom quips “Wow, they just covering the plot holes up in asphalt now.” During a long scene in a cemetery the boys do a whole Martin and Lewis routine as the comic relief character wanders around. They do some fun things with the mummy’s name. My favorite is Crow calling him the Beer Barrel Popoca. Of course the titular showdown gives them a bit to work with as well. The robot is sooo lame that the bot get up in arms at Dr. Krupps faulty invention.

For host segments, they experiment with a complete storyline that covers all the breaks. Things start off with the typical invention exchange. Joel creates an airbag for a motorcycle. The Mads create the “Chalkman” to play nails on chalkboard sound effects to drive party guests away when they refuse the leave. At the first break the Satellite of Love is swarmed by demon dogs! These are little plastic bone dogs painted red (and were originally a toy from the He-man toy series). Tom tries to tame them, but they think he’s a fire hydrant. At the next break the king of the demon dogs arrives and tries to make peace. Gypsy eats him. When the boys come out of the theater the next time, Crow decides to disguise himself as the demon dog king. They see right through it and relieve themselves on him. After the movie ends the demon dogs invade the theater. Joel fires a ball from the SOL and the demon dogs chase it!

This is one of those episodes that long time fans of the show may find interesting. Its neat to see how different the series was in these early shows, and what the crew tried to do to combat such a slow and painful film. But for casual viewers this is a real slog of an episode. See if you can find the Radar Men From the Moon episode on line, but there’s no real need to seek the full episode out.

I give it only one sacred breastplate out of five.

This episode is available on Mystery Science Theater 3000 Volume XV.

The H Man (1958)

Introduction:

I can’t remember where I first heard about this movie, but each time its brought up I hear the same description: Gooey. So when I was slated for a screening on TCM I had to see it. Because who doesn’t love a gooey monster?

Summary:

Dr. Masada (Kenji Sahara) is convinced that radioactive testing has not only produced Godzilla, but also created a bizarre liquid life form. This “H Man” not only oozes all over its prey but also turns them into a similar liquid glop. He tries to convince Inspector Tominaga (Akihiko Hirata) of this, but the Inspector has other fish to fry. He’s involved in a dangerous case involving drug runners and gangsters. The key to his case is Chikako Arai (Yumi Shirakawa), who may have witnessed a murder. But this murder may have been committed by none other than The H Man.

Good Points:

• Some awesome gooey effects
• The idea of combining this with a gangster film is inspired
• Some creepy moments

Bad Points:

• Lots of padding scenes
• The execution of combining this with a gangster film is poor
• The finale ends on the flat side

Overall:

This is one of those movies that has a great idea, some really cool visuals and the potential for a lot of fun. But the end result is a little too dull. The gangster subplot weighs the story down. The finale has potential and yet seems to just whimper out. Monster film fans should check it out for the gooey creatures, but keep your riffing skills handy.

Scores (out of 5)

Visuals: 4

Sound: 3

Acting: 3

Script: 3

Music: 3

Direction: 3

Entertainment: 3

Total: 3

Curious about a full review, sent me an email and I’ll make additional thoughts to this review.

She Gods of Shark Reef (1958)

Introduction:

When I opened the 100 Sci-Fi Classics and saw this title I thought, we've got some kind of island queen who has power over the sharks and she uses it to defend her village from pirates. Sounds like a fun film, right? I thought so. But when I saw that the director was Roger Corman, I knew he wouldn't have the budget for that type of movie. So I set my expectations a bit lower. You should too.

Summary:

Jim (Don Durant) finds himself in a bit of trouble with Hawaiian law enforcement, so he and his brother Chris (Bill Cord) hop on their little boat and try to escape. A tempest destroys the boat and they are saved by the hula dancing/pearl diving woman of a small island. Queen Pua (Jeanne Gerson) wants them gone as quickly as possible. But Mahia (Lisa Montell) falls for Chris. Meanwhile Jim decides that he wants those pearls for himself. Things quickly devolve into kidnappings, sacrifices, sunken tiki idols and sharks. Will the brothers be able to escape the wrath of the "She Gods of Shark Reef"?

Good Points:

• Really and truly filmed in Hawaii
• A beach movie without any lame songs
• None of the actors are really bad

Bad Points:

• Moves really slowly at times
• The shark scenes are kinda funny
• None of the actors are good either

Overall:

You know, for a Corman film this isn't too bad. Sure it moves slowly and has some serious budget limitations, but at the same time the script accounts for that. It's really the story of two brothers caught in a jam and having to figure a way out of it. Look at it as more of a thriller filmed in Hawaii on a shoestring budget and you might enjoy some of it. But don't let the title fool you into thinking there is anything fantastic going on.

Scores (out of 5)

Visuals: 3

Sound: 2

Music: 2

Acting: 2

Script: 2

Direction: 2

Entertainment: 2

Overall:2

After watching a few Roger Corman films on Mystery Science Theater 3000, I know what to expect from him. He used his small budget as best he can. He'd stretch that dollar with long scenes of people walking, and talking and walking some more. He'd hold out shots a little longer than they needed to be, and sometimes include questionable edits. Its drive-in material. No one was expecting the teens in the audience to really be paying too much attention. For the record, Corman could make some fun and entertaining films, especially if his budget was a bit larger. But for something like this, you just gotta expect the usual suspects.

Take the acting for one thing. Actually no one in this movie is horrible. Corman will often cast based on looks and sex appeal as opposed to actual talent. Sometimes he got lucky, but most of the time you end up with some nice looking folks that are out acted by a wooden sets. In this case, everyone is just below average. Bill Cord makes Chris a likable guy if a bit on the bland side. Don Durant plays his brother Jim as a mercurial hot head. One minute he seems like he's got it together, the next he's thirsting to steal something or beat someone up. He provides some of the color to the film, so I can't fault him to much.

Lisa Montell as Mahia makes a very alluring island gal. She plays up the innocent angle a bit too much, but it works in context of the film. Jeanne Gerson as Queen Pua is more like the cantankerous old gramma who will not let her daughter date those boys! It's a funny performance. I' m not sure if she did it on purpose or not, but she's not commanding or threatening. She just seems cranky.

The script is an odd beast, starting off with Jim and very disturbing looking old man sneaking onto a peer and killing some guards. They seem to be looking for guns, but things go wrong when they are discovered. This starts the movie with a moody and dark sequence, making me wonder if this was going to turn into something more chilling or closer to a horror film. This sequence in style and tone is nothing like the rest of the movie. All it does is show us what kind of man Jim is, and that becomes apparent quickly enough.

The rest of the movie has Chris and Jim relating to each other and to the women of the island. The two brothers obviously have some issues with each other, but Chris seems to genuinely care for his brother. Jim seems a bit more sociopathic. The rest of the dialogue is your typical islander warning the outsiders kinda stuff, "You anger the shark gods!", "You bring bad fortune!", "Only a sacrifice can appease the Shark Gods!" "You leave now, you're not wanted here!". Queen Pua gets these gems and says them in her crankiest voice.

Part of the problem is that the Shark God is never really a threat, and neither is Queen Pua. The whole movie has a real laid back feel, and it just doesn't work to create any momentum. Most of this is probably the direction, but some work on the script should have been used to make a real threat for the brothers. Instead they just seem like they are hanging around the island because it’s populated with woman who hula dance regularly.

The sound is really off in this film, with the boom mic not nearly close enough in some scenes and other times being overpowered by the sounds of wind and surf on the island. Quite a few lines of dialogue are lost because of this. Then there's the music. It goes for authentic island feel, but it is placed at some very inopportune times, becoming distracting in many scenes.

The movie does have one thing in its favor, beautiful scenery. Filmed on the island of Kauai, the cliffs and mountains of the island are wonderful to behold. Even Corman was able to grab some breath taking vistas in this film. The beach looks wonderful and even the underwater moments are impressive. It's a real shame that the print is so faded, I can imagine that this movie looked great when it was first released in 1958. Some of the budget limitations appear during the shark attack scenes. Corman uses a mix of stock footage and what appears to be a dead or drugged shark for some close up scenes. The whole thing is actually pretty funny looking and takes away any threat there may have been.

As I mentioned, I was expecting this movie to be a lot worse, but it had its moments. Things move slowly in places, with dancing sequences and walking sequences padding out the film. On the other hand it moves a lot quicker than some of the more dreary of Corman's films. If you're looking for a good riffing movie with some friends, this fits the bill. But if you're looking for an entertaining island girl film - um, move along, nothing to see here.

The Screaming Skull (1958) - MST3K Review

Summary

This episode starts with a short. It's time for Gumby and his pony pal Pokey too! In "Robot Rumpus" Gumby decides that robots could handle his chores while he enjoys some tasty crackers and milk with Pokey. Well things go horribly wrong when the robots go rogue and start trashing Gumby's house and yard. It's up to our claymation pals to stop the robots before the whole house is obliterated.

The feature film starts with happy newlywed couple Eric (John Hudson) and Jenni Whitlock (Peggy Webber) arriving at Eric’s huge home in the country. Eric introduces his new wife to the creepy gardener Mickey (director Alex Nico) who could be the 1958 version of Torgo from "Manos: The Hands of Fate". Wedded bliss is quickly spoiled when Jenni starts to see skulls everywhere, and hear strange screaming sounds in the night. Is the ghost of Eric's former wife, who died very mysteriously, haunting the home, or is Mickey the gardener up to something? Eric does his best to comfort his new bride, but is he as innocent as he appears? Soon, Jenni is a nervous wreck and begins to question her sanity with each howl of "The Screaming Skull".

Movie Review

As a kid I watched quite a few Gumby shorts. Seeing "Robot Rumpus" actually caused a minor flashback to buried memories I didn't know I had. Creepy when that happens.

Gumby is Gumby. He gets involved in some kind of adventure and then gets out of it. It's simple story telling with some kind of lesson attached. In this case, the lesson is - do your chores right the first time and you won't have to do them again. Ok, so maybe I'm interpreting a bit here. Maybe the lesson is, don't use bizarre toy robots to do your chores or your house will get trashed, your mom will get painted, and your dad will get a wrench thrown threw him.

I find stop motion claymation charming and fun to watch, but to most modern eyes, it's dated and funny looking. Gumby is kinda dumb, or as my wife said - a moron. Pokey stands around and makes faces. And there are weird little moments, like Gumby's dad stealing a fire truck, or the robot head mounted over the garage at the end of the short. In other words, there are lots of things to work with riffing wise. But would I call it bad? No. It's Gumby, you either like it or you don't. But you can't deny that it offers plenty of material work with.

"The Screaming Skull" on the other hand offers very little entertainment value. The plot is nothing new. Most of us have seen the "rich wife is harassed by scheming husband" before, so all the beats in the plot come as no surprise. There are attempts to make Mickey the gardener look suspicious, with him hiding in bushes and saying bizarre things, but any fan of mysteries knows a red herring when they see one. From moment one, Eric is our primary suspect. When you only have five characters in the whole film - well there isn't much hope for mystery.

Maybe Director Alex Nico knew this and decided to play up the suspense of the haunted house angle. This movie contains many, many long scenes of Jenni walking around the house, very slowly and looking frightened. But the result is boredom. Now, let me make this clear, I enjoy a good suspense film. I don't need constant action to keep me entertained. Some of the best horror films I know don't show anything at all, but use careful building of terror to unsettle and disturb the viewer. It can be done, but it takes skill.

The filmmakers didn't have this skill. The movie is limp and lifeless in construction. You cease to care about anyone about five minutes in.

Part of the reason is the characters. Jenni isn't very likable. She seems less nervous and more whiney than anything else. I'm not sure if Weber wasn't clear on how to play the part, or if she was just continuing the character she played in "The Space Children". She generates no sympathy, so her fate doesn't drive the story. John Hudson doesn't do much as Eric either. He comes across like a jerk most of the time, so it's no stretch of the imagination to see him as the scheming husband.

Only Alex Nicol as Mickey provides any entertainment. He does his best to make Mickey appear suspicious, but the performance is silly. Mickey is obviously supposed to be a little slow, but Nicol portrays him as slightly smarter than a rock. I think Gumby could outwit this guy. He's never a threat, never a friend - just has some odd lines and funny gait when he runs.

The neighbors portrayed by Tony Johnson and Russ Conway provide solid turns as the voices of reason and compassion. The script doesn't give them much to work with, and it's almost funny how quickly they go from disbelieving Jenni's ghost stories to believing that Eric is villainous.

The final result is poorly plotted, poorly executed, poorly edited and poorly made movie. The opening sequence offers a free coffin if you die of fright. Don't worry, you'll die of boredom first.

Episode Review

This is another one of those episodes where the short film provides tons of laughs, but the feature can't quite measure up. The Gumby short is hilarious, with Mike and bots going to town on all kinds of things. How come Gumby can wander around without clothes, but his mom wears cloths? Why crackers and milk. Why did the robots run amok. Everything is fair game and it all climaxes with the moment when Gumby uses a construction crane to destroy a robot. Tom Servo and Crow scream in terror and demand to know why they are watching a horror film. This conversation carries over into the host segments.

If only the movie could keep up the momentum. Once again, a painful slog of a film ends up putting our boys to task. They give it a solid go, and they come up with some great stuff for Mickey and the random skull appearances. It's the long scenes of Jenni walking around the house that create huge gaps in riffing. They don't really get cooking again until the climax where Eric ends up being haunted and chased around the property by skulls and ghosts and screaming. If more of this paranormal spazziness had occurred throughout the film, it would have been a gold mine. Instead, this episode ends up working best at its bookend moments.

The host segments are a mixed bag. Things start off with Tom Servo deciding that he's a butterfly. Then Pearl and her crew call up. They are dressed in penguin costumes (?!?!?) and waddling all around, demanding to know why Mike and bots aren't in their penguin costumes. Mike and the bots are at a loss and quickly dress in random animal costumes. Pearl reveals that it was all a poorly planned joke, and she ends up looking like an idiot more than Mike and bots do. The best part is to see crow dressed as a sheep and saying Baaaaa! After the Gumby short, Tom and Crow create their own movie about clay and robot relations. Turns out they are a little angry at Gumby's final solution. Because of the movie's offer of a free coffin, Tom tries to scam one - with silly results. Then Crow pretends to be a screaming skull - and Mike is so terrified he attacks. This results in the funniest host segment. The episode ends with Tom's coffin showing up and Bobo trying to trick Mike and the bots again. He fails and is shrunk down in size. See - it's a real odd mix of segments.

By itself the Gumby short is one of the funniest short subjects they've tackled. I can easily give it five stars out of five. But the feature is so dull that it drags down the score quite a bit. The host segments will make you smile, but nothing really stands out. In the end, I have to say it's a subpar episode. But if you can find the riffing of "Robot Rumpus" online, it's well worth seeking out.

I give it two little green slabs of clay out of five.

This episode is available in DAP.

Space Children (1958) - MST3K Review

Summary:

First off there’s a short film called “Century 21 Calling”, which follows a couple of over exuberant teens to the worlds fair in 1962, where they learn all about amazing telephone technology thanks to Bell Labs. The feature film, “Space Children” presents us with the Brewster family heading out to a new home on a military base near the sea. When Bud (Michel Ray) and his brother spot a bizarre light from the ski, the parents think they’re just playing around. But it soon becomes very clear that a visitor from beyond has arrived in a cave near the sea. All the local kids come to it’s call (which grown ups can’t hear, of course) and concoct a plan to sabotage the rocket project that their dads are working on! Will the combined forces of Uncle Fester (Jackie Coogan) and The Professor from “Giligan’s Island” (Russell Johnson) be enough to stop, “The Space Children”?

Review:

“Century 21 Calling” is an odd little film. The first few minutes are devoid of any dialogue, with the two lead kids running around the ’62 world faire and interacting with others and each other. I think it’s meant to show the excitement of the faire, but it comes across like an early 60’s music video. When the pair reaches the Bell Labs exhibit, we get actual dialogue. Mostly it turns into a movie about how cool Bell Labs is and all the neat phone technology they have. It’s interesting to see pagers, call waiting and “brand new” push button dialing back in the day. Mostly the odd tone of the film, with the teens acting so over-excited about phone technology and the pre-rock and roll soundtrack make the short seem quaint and amusing all at the same time.

“The Space Children” will disappoint anyone hoping to see something like a 50’s version of “Space Camp”. Instead of kids journeying into space, they are visited by an alien that looks like something out of the original Star Trek series (the Horta to be specific, if you know your classic episodes).

All in all, this 1958 movie isn’t a bad little film. It’s a bit on the talky side, but there is nothing truly horrible about it. Mostly it features kids running around the beach, using mental powers to talk with the alien and sneak into highly secure military bases, and of course killing off The Professor from “Gilligan’s Isle”.

It’s the grown ups that make the movie. First there’s Mr. Brewster, played by the wooden Adam Williams. His lack of emotion, especially when confronting AN ALIEN FROM OUTER SPACE is pretty funny, but it seems to be the man’s MO. Peggy Webber as Mrs. Brewster comes off a bit abrasive at times. MST3K fans will remember from “The Screaming Skull” where she comes off as just plain whiney.

It’s Jackie Coogan and Russell Johnson who bring the most to the party. Coogan wears tiny little shorts, a rather feminine robe and keeps wanting to swim with “the kids”. To our cynical minds today it just conjures all kinds of remarks, but I’m sure it was innocent back then. Russell Johnson plays a man so different from The Professor that I was agog. He’s drunk. He’s angry. He tries to beat his stepson with a bit of driftwood. His drunken rage is something to behold, and you’re actually pleased to see him get taken out by alien powers.

With that said, the movie suffers from some pacing issues, really taking it’s time to do anything. The last quarter of the film leading up the climax is the best part. The movie is fairly short. There just isn’t enough of a story to fill all 69 minutes of the movie. This would have been a fun “Twilight Zone” or “Outer Limits” episode, but as a feature film, it just doesn’t quite pull it off.

MST3K Review:

And so shorts return to Mystery Science Theater 3000. Short films were a staple of the Comedy Central years and they’ve provided a huge number of laughs over the years. But, for some reason, the Sci-Fi channel didn’t want the crew tackling shorts in Season 8. So, it is in this Season 9 episode that we get the triumphant return.

It’s a good one. There’s lots of stuff that just lends itself to instant riffing, including the “Triumph of the Will” photography of the first portion of the film. I love how the young man wants to go into a peepshow in one scene, and Mike and bots just roll with it, introducing the peepshow into the rest of the short when you least expect it. The telephone technology itself isn’t as fanciful as the stuff in 50’s Motorama film “Design for Dreaming”, but the presentation is very goofy. My favorite moment is the demonstration of using your phone to turn off your oven or activating your sprinklers. The ascent into heaven via the Space Needle is the icing on the cake. It makes the whole short very funny and sets us up for a good time with the feature.

Its kind of a shame that feature just doesn’t give the team enough juice to work with. Again it seems to come down to movie structure. The first quarter works pretty well with the kids running around, meeting all the characters and discovering the space blob. Coogan and Johnson appear quite a bit in this part and they really provide the crew with a lot of jokes (including references to “The Adams Family” and “Giligan’s Island”, naturally).

But the middle portion of the movie really slows down, and there isn’t too much for our boys to work with. I know the pickings are getting slim when they resort to eight bald jokes in five minutes. Talky scenes can be tough and this movie has quite a few. But once the sabotage sequence kicks in, the riffing falls back into place. And how can it not, with the kids wandering around the base putting the old “Jedi Mind Trick” on the guards and Jackie Coogan getting the whammie placed on him by the alien blob. The climax with, as Tom puts it, “The Magnificent Seven… year olds” is filled with riffing. A solid end to a so-so feature.

The host segments mostly fall flat for me on this episode. Tom Servo has a kissing booth and swindles Mike. Pearl decides to install a phone system on the Satellite and ends up in a conference call nightmare. After the short, Mike decides to imitate the over excited kid. The bots hate him for it and take drastic action. Then there’s fun with model rockets and Bobo in a centrifuge. Crow is disturbed by Jackie Coogan’s short shorts and comes up with a vomit inducing fashion line for the man (shudder). After the film ends, the space blob arrives on the satellite and Pearl tries to launch her own rocket, and loses control of it… ooops.

Add it all together and you get an average episode of the show. Not a bad watch on a weekend, but not one I’ll pick up often. I give the whole episode 3 Space Blobs out of five, but for me the short is solid four Space Needles out of five.

The episode is available on DAP. "Century 21 Calling" is available as a bonus feature on "The Killer Shrew's" disc of The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection, Vol 7.

MST3K Introduction can be found here.